Ted Cruz

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We have to hand it to the Donald: The Republican National Convention was sure-as-shit entertaining to watch with him dry-humping the corpse of the party of Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt into the ground. Seriously, ...
All Trump Was Missing Was a Majestic Escalator

Everything You Wanted To Know about the RNC in Cleveland (But Couldn’t Bear to Watch)

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We have to hand it to the Donald: The Republican National Convention was sure-as-shit entertaining to watch with him dry-humping the corpse of the party of Abraham Lincoln and Theodore Roosevelt into the ground. Seriously, this was some good TV. It wasn’t so good if you thought in terms of “Oh, sweet baby Jesus this [&hellip
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This election, man. What a show! With all of the yelling, puffing, showboating, and spectacle, it’s easy to forget just how important this process is – and how broken it is. Everrrrrrrrryone is tired of the two-party ...
Two Roads Diverged, and We Got Lost

The Illusion of Choice

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This election, man. What a show! With all of the yelling, puffing, showboating, and spectacle, it’s easy to forget just how important this process is – and how broken it is. Everrrrrrrrryone is tired of the two-party system. For the first time in, well, quite some time, both sides of the aisle are fronting two [&hellip
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“He’s a lying liar!” “She started it!” “They’re not being fair!” “It looks like he peed his pants!” “He’s a loser!” No, you’re not overhearing a fight at recess because schools have ...
Stop It Right Now Or I'm Turning This Election Around!

Where Did All The Grown-ups Go?

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“He’s a lying liar!” “She started it!” “They’re not being fair!” “It looks like he peed his pants!” “He’s a loser!” No, you’re not overhearing a fight at recess because schools have all canceled recess so America’s children will get better at life’s most important skills like filling in those little bubbles
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Nothing has made me happier in recent months than the trending of #cruzsexscandal this past weekend. Seeing smarmy-faced Cruz as just another man was, in some ways, refreshing. We knew something was coming, it came, and then ...
Dear God Please Let This Be True

If Not a Sex Scandal, Something Needs to Burn Down Cruz’s Campaign

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Nothing has made me happier in recent months than the trending of #cruzsexscandal this past weekend. Seeing smarmy-faced Cruz as just another man was, in some ways, refreshing. We knew something was coming, it came, and then kind of went. Wait, what? A little background on Ted’s pants party: In early March, pundits from both [&hellip
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Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more interesting, this week’s episode of the hit soap 2016: Election of Doom brought the big stuff. There was violence, amnesia, sweating, and even more violence. The ...
In a world…

Donald Trump and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

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Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more interesting, this week’s episode of the hit soap 2016: Election of Doom brought the big stuff. There was violence, amnesia, sweating, and even more violence. The intrigue! The violence! Was this the best episode yet? So let’s recap: Evil Scrooge-character-with-less-money Donald Trum
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Have you heard the Democratic Party has recently been overrun by Superdelegates, hell-bent on making sure ‘Murica doesn’t feel the Bern? Before you Tweet your outrage or appear on Fox News to show how steamed you are at ...
Plus Everyone Hates Them!

Superdelegates! Like Superheroes But Way Less Exciting

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Have you heard the Democratic Party has recently been overrun by Superdelegates, hell-bent on making sure ‘Murica doesn’t feel the Bern? Before you Tweet your outrage or appear on Fox News to show how steamed you are at Debbie Wasserman Schultz, take a moment and hit the pause button. Despite what you may assume given [&hellip
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A behemoth in the field of jurisprudence and an ardent originalist has died. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died this past weekend while on a hunting trip. Those who knew and liked him, of whom there were many, said he ...
Applesauce and Mere Factual Evidence

The Constitution is Dead. Long Live The Constitution.  

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A behemoth in the field of jurisprudence and an ardent originalist has died. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died this past weekend while on a hunting trip. Those who knew and liked him, of whom there were many, said he was exactly where he wanted to be — that the only other ways he would [&hellip
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This weekend Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died at the age of 79, after a long, illustrious career of keeping women in their place. Needless to say I have no tears to shed, but goddamn if this doesn’t muck up the ...
Thanks Scalia

Even in Death

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This weekend Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died at the age of 79, after a long, illustrious career of keeping women in their place. Needless to say I have no tears to shed, but goddamn if this doesn’t muck up the already terrible train wreck that is the presidential election. Scalia is dead, and his [&hellip
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Did you know political correctness is literally killing people? That’s because it’s not. An easy way to get applause is to say how much you hate political correctness (other easy ways include hating politicians and the ...
Manners Maketh The Man...Er, Person

The Civil War

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Did you know political correctness is literally killing people? That’s because it’s not. An easy way to get applause is to say how much you hate political correctness (other easy ways include hating politicians and the media; it’s like hating Mondays and people who kick kittens). ‘Murica sure loves to hate stuff, especially when
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