Queen of Everything

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Upon hearing that Brock Turner—a brutal rapist who was only sentenced to six months because a judge worried it would hurt the poor boy’s future—will be released early from prison because of good behavior, I became so ...
And Probably More Wine, Too

When I Am Queen of Everything: We Need More Whimsy, Dammit!

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Upon hearing that Brock Turner—a brutal rapist who was only sentenced to six months because a judge worried it would hurt the poor boy’s future—will be released early from prison because of good behavior, I became so enraged I wanted to rip off my own arm so I could have something with which to better [&hellip
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No, this isn’t my belated presidential campaign announcement. As a close observer of the U.S. political process, I’d rather wake up with my head sewn to the carpet than willingly subject myself to that nonsense. What ...
Cuz This Ain't The Inspirational Federal Bureaucracy I Was Promised

When I Am Queen of Everything: I’m Moving To The West Wing

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No, this isn’t my belated presidential campaign announcement. As a close observer of the U.S. political process, I’d rather wake up with my head sewn to the carpet than willingly subject myself to that nonsense. What I’m saying is that I’m over it. Done. Finito. Can’t take it no more. There is just too much [&hellip
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It’s been a month since the eventual Queen of Everything last checked in but don’t doubt that I’ve been thinking of my dear chickadees all the while. Right before Christmas a story broke that got little attention as we ...
We Get Paid Less So Of Course Things Should Cost Us More

The Vah Jay Jay Tax

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It’s been a month since the eventual Queen of Everything last checked in but don’t doubt that I’ve been thinking of my dear chickadees all the while. Right before Christmas a story broke that got little attention as we all rushed around for the holidays and dealt with terrible things like mass shootings and more [&hellip
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I talk a lot about how I will eventually become Queen of Everything (QoE). For the wildly uninformed, that is not an actual job. I cannot pass a test to be declared QoE, nor could I win an election to gain the title. I ...
And What Else Could We Do With That Money?

Why Do Elections Cost So Much?

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I talk a lot about how I will eventually become Queen of Everything (QoE). For the wildly uninformed, that is not an actual job. I cannot pass a test to be declared QoE, nor could I win an election to gain the title. I imagine I will simply awaken one day to find everyone has [&hellip
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My concerns over the state of education in America, specifically when it comes to civics and biology, are heightened by Donald Trump’s political circus and the astute critical thinkers who support this wackmobile. First ...
Post-Survival of 1st GOP Debate Drinking Game

The Queen of Everything vs. The Politically and Factually Incorrect

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My concerns over the state of education in America, specifically when it comes to civics and biology, are heightened by Donald Trump’s political circus and the astute critical thinkers who support this wackmobile. First off, let’s talk about Trump’s appalling lack of understanding of biology. When women menstruate, the blood leaves
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The Snap: We’ve already established how much more glorious of a place the world will be When I Am Queen of Everything. From de-douchefying Congress to shortening campaign season, from kicking the asses of upskirters to ...
Better (Or At Least Cheaper) Than The Oprah's List

The Queen of Everything’s Favorite Things

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The Snap: We’ve already established how much more glorious of a place the world will be When I Am Queen of Everything. From de-douchefying Congress to shortening campaign season, from kicking the asses of upskirters to mandating office etiquette, from classing up reality TV to making the Waltons live off the salaries they pay their [&he
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The Snap: When re-reading the Bill of Rights we were startled to discover the following in invisible ink next to the 1st and 2nd Amendments, respectively: “one example of freedom of speech is pervy asshats taking pics ...
It’s About To Get All Ragey Up In Here

When I Am Queen of Everything: Righting the Bill of Wrongs

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The Snap: When re-reading the Bill of Rights we were startled to discover the following in invisible ink next to the 1st and 2nd Amendments, respectively: “one example of freedom of speech is pervy asshats taking pics of the crotches of unsuspecting women” and “bearing arms totes includes assault weapons, self-propelled artillery, r
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The Snap: As another summer approaches and I’m still not Queen of Everything, we've gotta address the coming horror that is swimsuit season. Is there a more effective way than trying on swimsuits to feel hideous about ...
Fitness Crazies

Losing the Pounds (And Your Mind) Before Swimsuit Season

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The Snap: As another summer approaches and I’m still not Queen of Everything, we’ve gotta address the coming horror that is swimsuit season. Is there a more effective way than trying on swimsuits to feel hideous about oneself? Probably not. The good news is even the people you think are near perfection also feel like [&hellip
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The Snap: Did you know that you can just call yourself a meteorologist without any training? Seriously, I can call myself a meteorologist and you can’t say I’m not. I wonder if it works for calling yourself the Queen ...
There is no way that this winter is ever going to end as long as this groundhog keeps seeing his shadow

The Best Meteorologist in the History of Time

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The Snap: Did you know that you can just call yourself a meteorologist without any training? Seriously, I can call myself a meteorologist and you can’t say I’m not. I wonder if it works for calling yourself the Queen of Everything. I’m the Queen of Everything! Hmmm…no minions have arrived and my boss says I [&hellip

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