Posts by Adrienne Boettinger

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The Snap “Read my lips: no new taxes.” “Mission Accomplished.” “If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep it.” You’d think at some point politicians would realize they should never ever speak in ...
The Woods Are Lovely, Dark and Deep

AN OUNCE OF PERFORMANCE IS WORTH POUNDS OF PROMISES

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The Snap “Read my lips: no new taxes.” “Mission Accomplished.” “If you like your healthcare plan, you can keep it.” You’d think at some point politicians would realize they should never ever speak in absolutes. In fact, all people everywhere should refrain from speaking in absolutes. President Obama is an intelligent man but
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The Snap: With the average human having the attention span of a fruit fly, it’s difficult to keep people glued to stories not involving celebrity breakups, breakdowns, etc. Plus news outlets' budgets are diminishing ...
And Why Do All Their News Centers Look Like Ikeas From Hell?

THIS MONTH IN JACKASSERY: 24-HOUR NOOSE CYCLE OOPSIES

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The Snap: With the average human having the attention span of a fruit fly, it’s difficult to keep people glued to stories not involving celebrity breakups, breakdowns, etc. Plus news outlets’ budgets are diminishing faster than my sanity, they’ve closed or will close many of their bureaus and their main goal has shifted from
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The Snap: Get ready for that time of year when we objectify girls and teach boys they can be superheroes. Oh wait, that’s pretty much the whole year. But on this special day we also give children crazy amounts of sugar ...
Warning: I Listened to Ani Difranco While Writing This Post

WHEN I AM QUEEN OF EVERYTHING: BRINGING SEXY BACK

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The Snap: Get ready for that time of year when we objectify girls and teach boys they can be superheroes. Oh wait, that’s pretty much the whole year. But on this special day we also give children crazy amounts of sugar and help cement in their brains the notion that boys can be fearless and [&hellip
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The Snap: Reality is way overrated. Or as my spiritual adviser Winona would say, reality bites. Maybe that’s why so many people are into fantasy role play. Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m referring to renfests ...
Sometimes They Were Just Old

THE GOOD OLD DAYS WEREN’T ALWAYS GOOD

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The Snap: Reality is way overrated. Or as my spiritual adviser Winona would say, reality bites. Maybe that’s why so many people are into fantasy role play. Get your mind out of the gutter! I’m referring to renfests (aka renaissance festivals, faires or Home of Ye Olde Turkey Leg). Why are people obsessed with renfest? [&hellip
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The Snap: I have an idea that will make me scads of money and help politicians and other entrenched lunatics listen to each other and even govern. My idea is an app that takes awful things people want to say and un-fucks ...
App ProRepeat - Get It? Appropriate? We Could Also Call It the De-Douchebaggery App

APP PRO-REPEAT: MAKING YOU SOUND LIKE LESS OF AN ASSHAT

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The Snap: I have an idea that will make me scads of money and help politicians and other entrenched lunatics listen to each other and even govern. My idea is an app that takes awful things people want to say and un-fucks them. In more genteel terms, an app that helps you access your better [&hellip
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The Snap: Tens of thousands of dead cattle and no federal assistance for ranchers. Years of cancer research down the drain. Approximately $160 million a day lost because of campaign fears for Congressional elections ...
Ending World Hunger & Slamming Congress, One Article at a Time

WASTING AWAY

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The Snap: Tens of thousands of dead cattle and no federal assistance for ranchers. Years of cancer research down the drain. Approximately $160 million a day lost because of campaign fears for Congressional elections still a year away. The wastefulness of the U.S. government shutdown has me thinking not just about the waste of space that
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The Snap: Because I love you all dearly, I’ll admit to a soon-to-be-not-so-secret shame: last week, I binge-watched The Vampire Diaries season 4. Don’t plan an intervention just yet. Although I watched every episode, ...
Pointy-toothed, Sparkly and/or Crazy Eyed: Bring It On

WHY THE HELL ARE WE OBSESSED WITH VAMPIRIC ENTERTAINMENT?

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The Snap: Because I love you all dearly, I’ll admit to a soon-to-be-not-so-secret shame: last week, I binge-watched The Vampire Diaries season 4. Don’t plan an intervention just yet. Although I watched every episode, I still bathed, walked my dog, left the house for (some) social occasions, wrote, made cocktails, etc. But it made me [
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The Snap: This jackassery must end! People with motherfucking cancer are being turned down for clinical trials that could save their lives. Babies aren’t getting any fucking formula. The zombie goddam apocalypse could ...
How Low Can You Go?

SHUTDOWN SHITSHOW

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The Snap: This jackassery must end! People with motherfucking cancer are being turned down for clinical trials that could save their lives. Babies aren’t getting any fucking formula. The zombie goddam apocalypse could be popping up from strains of some mutant disease and we wouldn’t know it. Hundreds of thousands of unlucky bastards a
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The Snap: At the Walters Art Museum in Baltimore, there’s a piece that annoys the bejeezus out of me. Walk up the glorious main staircase and you’re confronted with “Adam and Eve,” sculpted by Gioavanni del ...
Sometimes It's Nice To Know We're Not The Only Ones With Assclowns in Charge

INSTEAD OF DWI’s, SAUDIS WORRY ABOUT DWO’s (DRIVING WITH OVARIES)

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The Snap: At the Walters Art Museum in Baltimore, there’s a piece that annoys the bejeezus out of me. Walk up the glorious main staircase and you’re confronted with “Adam and Eve,” sculpted by Gioavanni del Robbia. In addition to Adam and Eve, there is a snake whose face mirrors that of Eve, echoing the [&hellip
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