Donald Makes a Friend

Donald Makes a Friend

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,30 August 2016

Summer is supposed to be the bestest time of all but for Donald, or Mini-Mani as the bullies were calling him because of his teeny-tiny hands, but things have not been so awesome. First some soldier’s parents picked a fight with him for no reason, then people kept getting mad because he changed his mind a bunch, and people were even telling him he shouldn’t hang out with his pal, Roger. It just seemed like nothing could go right. No one would play with him even when he invited them over for buckets of KFC and everyone was making fun of him because he couldn’t get anyone cool to come to his parties.

But then Donald met Nigel and even though his name was weird and no one in ‘Murica really knew who he was, Donald knew he had met his BFF (Brexit Friend Forever). Everything Nigel said sounded way smart in his English accent; he has the best words. Donald could listen to him talk for hours about “no-hopers” and “tossers” finally realizing that Nigel was the best thing ever to happen to the UK and to Europe. Donald wanted to ask him to read him Harry Potter to help him go to sleep at night but Mr. Bannon said that would make people think he wasn’t tough enough to be President.

So instead Donald settled for Nigel coming to the crooked letter state and telling all the people how awesome Donald is. Even though most of them had never heard of Nigel before and thought he was Donald’s butler, after they heard him with his fancy talk saying how smart Donald is for realizing that Hillary is a witch and Obama is a bad wizard like Voldemort, they all started nodding their heads and hootin’ and hollerin’. It was the best day.

Now some meanies said that his BFF Nigel was just using him because everyone in the UK realized what a “wanker” Nigel is and so he had to come over to ‘Murica where the idiot Yanks will be impressed with his accent and will forget that he helped make the British money the suckiest currency in the world. Those meanies said that the people in the UK who believed Nigel and voted for the Brexit all wanted a do-over the very next day and that ‘Muricans really have to be the dummiest dummy-heads to actually listen to a thing Nigel says.

Donald doesn’t believe any of them though because he knows that Nigel is the coolest and smartest one around, especially since he got rid of that mustache that made all the other kids point and yell “STRANGER DANGER!” Donald has promised Nigel that he’ll make him King of All England and the Rest of the World when Donald becomes President. They will have slumber parties in the White House and play knights and dragons at the Tower of London, and they’ll eat all the ice cream they want.

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Image Credit: Gage Skidmore on Flickr

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