Everything You Wanted To Know about the DNC 2016 in Philly (But Couldn’t Bear to Watch)

Everything You Wanted To Know about the DNC 2016 in Philly (But Couldn’t Bear to Watch)

Adrienne BoettingerFriday,29 July 2016

Dear-sweet-mother-of-pearl, this campaign season just will not end! It feels like we’ve been hearing about 2016 since 2013—probably because we have—but finally we have the major party conventions behind us. Also the Libertarian National Convention which blew the RNC and DNC out of the water when it came to brevity and weirdness.

But let’s get back to the DNC in Philadelphia which, though lacking in terms of Scott Baio appearances, was unexpectedly entertaining and fraught with drama even if you aren’t the same caliber of masochistic political nerd like we are here at The Snap Download. From meltdowns by overwrought Sanders’ supporters through scads of politicians, normals, and celebs trying to at least convince naysayers that Hillary doesn’t kill unicorns in her spare time, there was something for everyone…if you could withstand the unrelenting hope and positivity.

In case you missed it here are the key takeaways:

1. Not quite ready for Kumbaya and matching pantsuits. Senator Bernie Sanders may have given up the dream of redecorating the White House on a $27 budget but his supporters haven’t. Especially after Debbie Wasserman Schultz and co. got caught like Scooby Doo villains for favoring Clinton over Sanders. The man had to plead with his supporters, out of respect for Sanders himself, to stop booing and screaming over the parade of heart-wrenching and heartwarming stories at the podium. He threw his weight and socialist street cred behind HRC while his most angst-filled supporters ignored his requests and acted like giant whining tweens who favor the sound of their own shrieks over listening to anyone else. Even when Leon Panetta was trying to explain the danger of Trump’s “sarcastic” request for Russia to hack U.S. networks to find HRC’s missing emails, some Sanders’ supporters gave the RNC more ammunition to support the trope that the Dems suck at national security.

2. But way more non-dems support HRC than dems support Trumpykins. Enthusiastically Trump-supporting GOP lawmakers and actually famous celebrities weren’t the only ones who skipped out on last week’s RNC Convention. Dems and independents also had to wash their hair that week. But at the DNC this week, Republican Women for Hillary, a Reagan administration official, and ex-Republican/ex-Democrat and nemesis of the Big Gulp, Michael Bloomberg all said #ImWithHer.

3. We’ve got issues. In between the in-fighting and a fair amount of discussion on the dangers of Trump, the Dems actually talked a lot about the issues. Immigration, gun violence, equality, race, families, disabilities, health care, the environment, security, civility, religious freedom, infrastructure, the youth, mental health, income inequality, voting rights, diplomacy, the criminal justice system, and much more, including the heart of what it means to be an American. Now whether or not Clinton can make progress on these issues with such a politically divided nation and an inert Congress, is far from certain.

4. FOUR MORE YEARS! Before this week, we felt nostalgic thinking of January 2017 when President and Mrs. Obama and the Vice President and Dr. Biden will recede from the limelight. And with the DNC this week, even Republicans were a little verklempt, especially after performances by Michelle Obama, Uncle Joe (drink when you hear ‘Malarkey!), and the Most Eloquent President of our time, Barack Obama. President Obama gave perhaps the best speech of his political career and VP Biden secured his position at the top of my pretend boyfriend list (category: political). But Michelle Obama stole the show, noting that she wakes up every morning in a house built by slaves and is fighting for Hillary Clinton because she will be the best hope for the Obamas’ daughters’ futures. If you missed it, Donald Trump’s campaign will have Melania plagiarize it in the next few weeks.

5. Bill remembered to talk about Hillary. We have to admit it: we were a little nervous about President Bill Clinton’s speech on Tuesday. Not because he’s not an outstanding public speaker; he has always been able to connect with listeners in a way that is deeply personal and almost hypnotic. But we were afraid he’d put too much attention on himself OR would respond really poorly to protesters. Thankfully neither proved to be true. He painted a picture—granted an overly detailed and long picture—of Hillary as a woman, wife, mother, grandmother, and lifelong public servant.

6. The most adorably awkward man no one knew. Tim Kaine was as unknown a VP pick for the Dems as Mike Pence was for the GOP. Unlike Pence who spends time convincing people that a) smoking is good for you b) the LGBTQ community will turn everyone gay AND c) women who miscarry are guilty of murder, Tim Kaine’s worst trait might be his preciously terrible impressions of Donald Trump. It’s impossible to watch Kaine and doubt his earnestness and the fact that he’s just a really good guy. Plus, he speaks Spanish and did missionary work in Honduras. And has been dubbed “America’s stepdad” by my primary pretend boyfriend (category: wit) John Oliver.

7. The woman, the myth, the legend. Hillary Rodham Clinton has been preparing for this race her entire life. You think that would’ve helped her avoid the very serious missteps she’s made but when you want something that bad and are convinced you know what’s right, you can get sloppy. What is most remarkable about this crazily famous woman is that so very few people feel like they know her at all (or they feel like they know everything about her and can’t trust her at all). The impassioned testimonials this week from dozens of people and from Hillz herself are unlikely to convince those who have hated her all along (for reasons we’re sure have absolutely nothing to do with her having lady parts). We just don’t know whether or not they’ll convince the undecideds and those who continue to grow weary of the bigoted, misogynist, egotistical cantaloupe the GOP has chosen.

8. A Woman’s Place. Regardless of what you think of Hillary Clinton, the fact that she has made it this far is historic. 100 years ago, women still couldn’t vote in this country. And just 20 years ago, it was considered earth-shattering when Hillary said “Women’s Rights Are Human Rights and Human Rights Are Women’s Rights.” When I was a little girl I never thought a woman would be President. It didn’t seem real, like something that might happen in some distant future. And yet here I am watching my party nominate Hillary, watching our nation’s first African-American president hug and pass the torch to his former rival and current friend, and seeing that loud, bold, smart and tenacious women don’t have to hide our lights. We can let them shine bright for everyone to see. Bright enough to light the dark parts of the world where women are still held back by fear and desperation. Bright enough to light the way for the daughters and granddaughters that will come after us.

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Image Credit: Gage Skidmore on Flickr

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