If You Can Dodge a Wrench, You Can Dodge a Question

If You Can Dodge a Wrench, You Can Dodge a Question

Adrienne BoettingerThursday,5 May 2016

Dear sweet baby Jesus in a tuxedo shirt! This 2016 Presidential campaign is about ready to strip away what little sanity we had left here at The Snap Download. We wish we could look away but it’s like whenever someone gives Sarah Palin a microphone and tells her to talk about America; we are glued to the screen.

But the more we watch, the closer we come to blindly pledging our votes to the candidate who provides a real answer to an actual question that is relevant and important to American voters. Because that is the one thing that candidates can’t seem to do.

This is across the board. Yes, we are liberal pinkos by and large here at The Snap Download so we do somewhat gleefully note that Donald Trump is the worst offender. Ask him how he’ll make Mexico pay for a wall and he answers, “The wall got 10 feet higher.” Ask him if he’s done anything to support the violence his campaign events have become known for and he’ll answer, “I hope not.” When asked to disavow former KKK leader David Duke, Trump says he doesn’t know the guy. After he was asked about his former assertions that President Obama wasn’t an American, he said he didn’t talk about that anymore; he only talked about jobs and veterans being mistreated.

Sadly, Hillary Clinton has also been known to dodge a question or 20. Although she is the most truthful 2016 Presidential candidate, according to Politifact, she has avoided questions on the future of her campaign if she is indicted. She also parries questions as to why she won’t release transcripts of the speeches for which she was paid buttloads of dolla bills by the puppy-loving Everyman Goldman Sachs and others.

This may be artifice but it isn’t news. Politicians are crazy good at not answering questions they don’t want to. It’s been that way since the beginning of time. When asked why he bribed voters with booze, George Washington probably said the colonial equivalent of “Look over there!” More recently the modern day government of our former colonial lords and masters just had marbles thrown at them by an unraveled Brit who had had it up to his tea and crumpets with elected officials’ inability to ever answer a question.

A smarty-pants at Harvard thinks the problem is most voters don’t notice when politicians are dodging questions quicker than Rip Torn dodged traffic. Behavioral scientist Todd Rogers conducted studies that proved people only noticed when politicians avoided questions by switching to a completely unrelated topic. Here at The Snap Download though, we think most voters just don’t give a rat’s patoot when politicians don’t answer questions. If voters don’t care about a candidate’s truthfulness (which must be the case or how in the love of tube socks is Donald Trump doing so well), then voters must not care if candidates or elected officials actually manage to answer questions that are asked of them.

Bizarrely, we still care. We don’t want to. Believe us. We’d be far happier if we weren’t wincing every time a candidate pathetically dodged a question. Instead we could have other hobbies like bird-watching or origami. But we are who we are. And so to help us make it through the rest of the primaries, let alone the g.d. general election, we have got to do something.

Thus, we are proposing that at every debate, press conference, and major news interview, a running tally be put on the screen of every question asked of a candidate on one side and the amount of questions answered on the other. Really to make it more entertaining we’d like a monkey wearing a cute hate to hold up signs with the number of questions asked and actually answered. Or even a sassy kitten or a charming toddler. We’re not that picky. Just please, for the love of all that is decent, could one of you damn asshats answer a damn question before we lose our damn minds!?!

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Image Credit: Gage Skidmore on Flickr



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