Donald Trump and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Donald Trump and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week

Rachel CohenMonday,14 March 2016

Just when you thought things couldn’t get any more interesting, this week’s episode of the hit soap 2016: Election of Doom brought the big stuff. There was violence, amnesia, sweating, and even more violence. The intrigue! The violence! Was this the best episode yet?

So let’s recap:

Evil Scrooge-character-with-less-money Donald Trump continued his hold on the land of Dumberica, this week gathering his flocks into a rapid mecha-‘Murican fighting machine.

In the first part of the show, his campaign manager Corey Lewandowski has to take down an evil lady reporter from Breitbart (wait…), and when she makes an incident of the, incident, he has to put her in her place by reminding her that it’s all her fault, with the help of (twist!) her employer.

Then, one of his supporters (white) punched a protestor (black) at a rally. Twist! Oh wait, no. But wait then Moneybags McHairpiece was like “yo I got your back, good job.” And then he was like “You Mad? I’m not mad. Do I sound mad? I SAID DO I FUCKING SOUND MAD?”

Towards the end of the episode Trump focused his rage on the city of Chicago. Over concern of safety (for whom exactly?) Trump cancelled his Chicago appearance. The campaign’s statement of “please go in peace” apparently translated to “please punch these people who oppose you,” as there was of course, fighting. But luckily for Trump, the evil protestors – including a CNN reporter – were arrested.

This week bit player Ben Carson made another cameo, SHOCKING his follower by endorsing Trump – his nemesis for so long in early episodes. Twist!

But while Carson suffered amnesia in nearly every one of those episodes, it was Hillary Clinton who this week lost her memories. We had to watch as first she praised Nancy’s support of AIDS, which we all forgot. Because it was the opposite. Although, maybe her activism was actually being shown through her villainization. Who knows?

Then, Hillary was like “Bernie, who? I don’t know that guy. I heard he HATES healthcare. Where was he?” and then everyone was like “dude, HE’S RIGHT BEHIND YOU” in that picture. Supporting. Your. Healthcare.

Then she, well, tried to use a recent tragic event and actually forgot what it was about.

Some other interesting moments:

– Actively sweaty candidate Marco Rubio asks Ohio voters to vote for actively candidate candidate John Kasich. Twist!

– Also, he blinks and licks his lips WAY TOO MUCH.

– Also, he doesn’t understand how climate change could be affecting Florida.

– The NRA likes Bernie?

– Ted Cruz is still a monster, and ten people in Wyoming can’t really see him from there.

– Also, LITERALLY ONLY ONE SENATOR could be convinced to support their peer in the race. Some guy from Utah. I mean, SENATORS don’t like Ted. RED FLAG.

What can we expect on next week’s episode? Will Trump finally topple? Can Rubio survive the race despite his dehydration? Will anyone finally punch Cruz?

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Image Credit: Gage Skidmore on Flickr

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