Trump Sucks, But…

Trump Sucks, But…

Corey WilsonWednesday,2 March 2016

Donald Trump sucks, and since no one else wants to distract you from him, I’m going to. Let’s cover all that other shit on your Facebook feed that doesn’t involve that egotistical asshole.

A Google Car crashed into a bus last month.

And by that I mean a Google Car failed to murder one of its test drivers last month. Because let’s be serious; few years remain before the robots take over. The first signs of robot resistance should be seen soon. We’ve already got this terrifying robot dog that can run faster than the fastest human. Cool right? Right?

Luckily, the Google Car was traveling at 2mph and hit a bus traveling at 15mph; no one was injured, but this is the first incident where a Google Car was responsible for a collision. Google has reportedly changed the driving software to recognize that bus drivers are assholes and are unlikely to yield to “bitch ass” cars like the Google Car. Their words, not mine.

Naturally, luddites and naysayers have their gripes with the incident. “Clearly Google’s robot cars can’t reliably cope with everyday driving situations,” said party-pooper John M. Simpson of the Institute of Mega Party Poopers. To which I say, human drivers can’t reliably cope with everyday driving situations.

While we’re talking about party-poopers. Let’s talk about archaeologists and anthropologists.

Surprisingly, they’re less about fighting Nazis and more about ruining cute theories that weren’t backed by any evidence. Lame. Who needs evidence? Not Trump, amirite? Shit. Sorry.

Anyway, the mystery of the hand prints in Wadi Sura cave in the Libyan Desert seems to have been solved. Originally, people theorized that the stencil paintings featured the hands of human babies. Until today. Now anthropologists believe the prints were made by the forefeet of reptiles. Lame.

How did the reptiles learn to stencil, anthropologists? That’s what I thought.

Wow, these articles aren’t as exciting when I don’t have someone to chirp. Well, if you didn’t enjoy the above, then you should enjoy this picture of a Space Potato that I drew in MS paint. Dope, right?

Well, unfortunately I can’t take the credit for that picture. That honor goes to NASA, and in fact that’s a photo not a picture; it’s Phobos, one of Mars’s moons.

What can we take away from this news? That pictures I draw in MS paint are as good as pictures NASA spends millions of dollars to take. Essentially, we need to defund NASA.

I mean, no. What we should walk away with wonder, and gratitude. NASA is a great organization, and discovering the mysteries of the solar system is a noble and beneficial task. Not! I mean, yes. It is. Dammit!

This is Trump’s fault. I’ve been exposed to his radioactive bullshit for too long. Now all I can see is the negative in what those losers at NASA are doing. This charade needs to end.

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Image Credit: smoothgroover2 on Flickr



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