Corey WilsonWednesday,11 November 2015
The internet. It’s done a lot of good for our species. We can communicate with relatives over vast distances; we can visit other cities through Google Street View. And… well, you know: the porn.
But what it’s not good for is deciding what matters. Take for example, Ben Carson’s recent flub about the Pyramids at Giza being built by Joseph to store grain. It’s a fabulously stupid thing to think, let alone say, yet Doctor Carson still believes it after having twenty years to realize how god damn stupid it is to think.
Here’s the thing, though. Who cares that he thinks that? He’s not the first politician to believe stupid crap. Obviously we know that the Great Pyramids weren’t built simply to store grains—and “scientists” don’t believe that aliens were required to build the pyramids. But who gives a damn?
The real issue here isn’t that he believes in something stupid; we all believe in stupid things. The issue is that he can’t even string together a coherent thought. Seriously. Today was the first day I actually listened to what he said. I’d seen the headlines and rolled my eyes, but I didn’t actually know how stupid it was.
When Carson first presented his hypothesis, it was in 1998 and in front of students at Andrew University (an institution founded by Seventh-day Adventists). He was dressed in ceremonial attire and spoke with a smug conviction. He was giving a commencement speech to students. Keep all that in mind; here’s what he said:
“My own personal theory is that Joseph built the pyramids to store grain. Now all the archeologists think that they were made for the pharaohs’ graves. But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big if you stop and think about it. And I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time to store that much grain.”
Do you see what I mean? Yeah, it’s a good headline, and it makes the guy seem like an idiot. But seriously. Let’s deal with the greater issue here: what the hell kind of thought it that?
“But, you know, it would have to be something awfully big if you stop and think about it.”
What would need to be? The pyramids? Because they are, Carson; they’re massive.
“And I don’t think it’d just disappear over the course of time to store that much grain.”
What? What the hell is the subject of these sentences? The pyramids wouldn’t disappear? The need to store large amount of grain wouldn’t disappear?
“And I don’t think [the pyramids] would just disappear over the course of time to store that much grain.”
That’s still dumb. Hmm.
So please, internet, let’s focus on the issues here. Let’s not hate on Carson because of his ideas. Let’s hate on him for barely being able to construct an idea.