Fantastic Four: Not So Much

Fantastic Four: Not So Much

Lauren PesinWednesday,19 August 2015

Unless you’re totally out of touch with movies and entertainment, you’ve likely heard just how bad the new Fantastic Four movie is.  The standard reasons provided by critics, bloggers, and friends seem to fall under the categories of lack of story, lack of action, and a whole lot of talky-talk. Even though I was a little annoyed that they changed the brother-sister dynamic between the Invisible Woman and the Human Torch, I thought and even told several people, “The new Fantastic Four has to be better than the previous Fantastic Four movies.” Boy was I wrong. So…very…wrong.

The Fantastic Four (2005) and Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) felt uninspired and lacked any emotional connection to what should’ve been some pretty cool characters and action.  The new Fantastic Four is no different.

First, approximately 98% of precious movie time was spent explaining backstory when only about 10 minutes was either important or interesting enough to talk about.  It was almost entirely development (bad development at that) with no payoff.

Second, the change in the race of the Human Torch makes no difference to the story. I was a bit confused and left with questions because the movie indicated the Invisible Woman was adopted but didn’t offer any more details. Other than that, all the people who had a conniption over this change from the comics really need to relax. When it came down to the actual implementation, the change was the least of the movie’s problems. The soundtrack to Frozen, Let it Go plays in my head.

Third, the cast of actors are good but their talents are completely wasted in this tragedy. Somehow I felt nothing, no emotion, no attachment, no understanding of how or why the team shared a bond.

Fourth, how come while escaping from a government facility Dr. Doom can easily explode people’s heads, but suddenly when he’s confronted by the Fantastic Four he can’t fend them off or use the exploding head power?

Fifth, where did Doom get that cloak after a year on the exploding Planet Zero?

Sixth, what’s up with the circa 1980s crap box import racing scene and the awkward father-son moment with the Human Torch and his Dad?

Finally, what happened to the action and special effects? The CGI and special effects were often poor and detracted from the movie when they could’ve been so good.  Once the team formed and they arrived on Planet Zero, it could’ve been really good. Instead, the few moments of chaotic action were not satisfying at all. Did I miss something?

The few good things about Fantastic Four (2015) are the following: the powers and interpretation of the Invisible Woman and the Human Torch powers were cool looking and showed some onscreen potential (which has now been destroyed since there is no way in hell another one will get made); I generally liked the film’s depiction of the Thing; and the scenes of Reed Richards (Miles Teller) and Ben Grimm (Jamie Bell) hanging out in Reed’s garage while building the inter-dimensional transporter were interesting and began to explain how and why Ben and Reed become so close.

I really did go into the re-imagined Fantastic Four with an open mind and a hopeful heart. Unfortunately, what “they,” said was true. Fantastic Four (2015) was frigging awful. I give Fantastic Four a solid 1/2 (I can’t get those 2 hours back ever) star.

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