Adrienne BoettingerMonday,17 August 2015
Congress is always looking out for the American taxpayer and trying to find ways to save our hard-earned dollars. That’s why Congress LOVES to shut down the federal government over pretty much anything. You know, how like if you have a business and the property’s landlord closes down the building – you won’t be spending any money on supplies the whole time you’re shut down. WINNING! Also, it’s a super effective and mature way to operate; whenever you don’t like something, you just refuse to let anything else happen until you get your way. It’s like when your 3-year-old really wants to eat a bowl of sugar for dinner. The most effective way he or she can achieve that goal is to throw an all-consuming, high-octave tantrum so that it’s impossible to do anything else until you address that kid’s demands.
A little less than two years ago, that’s how Senator Ted “Puts-The-Ass-In-Jackassery” Cruz and others in Congress tried to accomplish their two main objectives: opposing anything the President wants and getting as much air time as possible. We’re referring to the decision to shut down the federal government until the Affordable Care Act was defunded. And it totally worked and saved a bunch of money — if by working you mean didn’t actually end Obamacare and if by saving a bunch of money you mean cost somewhere between $2 billion and $24 billion. Estimates vary but official tallies include the loss of $600 million in productivity for the Defense Department, a massive slowdown in the processing of disability claims for veterans, the cancellation of much-needed job training for veterans, prevention of the creation of 120,000 jobs in the private sector, and the loss of $500 million in tourist dollars for the National Park Service.
And now members of the 114th Congress are considering shutting down the federal government unless Planned Parenthood is defunded because why do women need health care anyway? That would just make us stronger and healthier and less willing to continue being screwed by a bunch of middle aged and old white men. But I digress. The careful editing of “investigatory” videos showing Planned Parenthood officials discussing fetal tissue has been a lightning rod for politicians looking to steal some spotlight back from The Donald. These politicians know most Americans don’t have the time or attention span to watch the unedited videos or read that none of the federal funding that goes to Planned Parenthood actually funds abortions. These same Congressional leaders know that facts tend to get in the way of some truly excellent soundbites for their campaigns.
Well, we’re here to help. Rather than shutting down the entire federal government which ended up costing the country a metric buttload of money, why don’t we just defund Congress? See when Congress shuts down the government, your Senators and House Reps still get paid. They still go into work (or at least occasionally show up) and bring home their paychecks. Or if you think Congress is too important to our democratic process to shut the whole place down, what if we just took the salaries of those leaders spending all their time running for President? Maybe those same leaders would be a little less willing to screw with people’s lives and the entire U.S. economy if they took a direct hit themselves.