When I Am Queen of Everything: Ball-busting

When I Am Queen of Everything: Ball-busting

Adrienne BoettingerWednesday,29 July 2015

Life should come with some sort of user’s manual or FAQ guide. As it is, we’re left wandering alone and helpless when it comes to the world’s trickiest situations. No, I’m not talking about figuring out what you should do with the rest of your life or answering the question “why were any of us put on this earth”? I’m talking about how you tell a dude to stop constantly adjusting his balls.

Is this a time when directness is in order? Is it better to say, “Stop messing with your junk” or should you suffer in silence? Does the answer change if the guy in question is your doctor, boss, husband, employee, father or realtor? To be clear, we’re not talking about the odd adjustment now and then. Most of us, even those with lady parts, understand the need for that.

Instead, we’re talking about at multiple times during the course of a conversation, reaching down and rearranging your testicles in plain view of all those around you.  Now at times, there is some attempt at a covert maneuver through the pocket or a hands-free move where he sort of twists back and forth so that the momentum will do whatever to his nuts that needs to get done. But most of the time there is no attempt to disguise the action.

There are loads of people who absolutely adore giving unsolicited advice to anyone who will listen. They’ll tell you there’s no way you can get a job with the major you’ve chosen or that you shouldn’t keep passing by completely acceptable men while your lady bits dry up and become useless. They’ll tell you how the neighborhood you’re moving to is the sort that is rife with sexual predators and exactly how all your favorite things will give you cancer.

But when it comes to the subject of how to successfully and discreetly getting someone to stop his scrotal shifting in view of your eye sockets, those same advice-givers are as silent as the grave. So When I Am Queen of Everything, the victims of chronic ball adjustors will be provided with sunglasses where the lenses are just a one way mirror. That way the victims will be blocked from seeing the testicular tango taking place and the ballers can see for themselves what they look like. Problem solved.

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