It’s Elementary My Dear Watson

It’s Elementary My Dear Watson

Corey WilsonWednesday,29 July 2015

I wrote about conspiracy theories once before, and I called Alex Jones an asshole for peddling fear for profit. I’m going to do something similar today. Originally, I found a video on YouTube by a somewhat famous Tuber (is that what they call themselves? I don’t know) whom I watch for the same reason I watch Fox News and read articles by Cal Thomas: the stupidity—it’s nice knowing I’m not the stupidest person on the planet (as all my elementary school teachers had suggested). I quickly dumped the idea of debunking the Tuber because his video received barely 2,500 views, and I don’t want to direct anymore traffic to his stupid-ass channel. Instead, I’ll direct it at a larger target, one who is likely vending the nonsense this Tuber is ingesting.

Alex Jones likely gets hundreds of thousands of views daily, so really the traffic directed to infowars.com from this article is but a single lick of flame on Alex’s already blazing pants. The video on InfoWars is also four minutes long and not 20 minutes of incoherent bullshit. It’s simply right wing rhetoric about liberals wanting to take everyone’s guns away. Moving on.

The overwhelming issue with Paul Joseph Watson’s video—a man whose work I love dearly (I’ve never heard of him in my life)—is that it’s unfounded and directed at people who likely aren’t listening to notoriously liberal media outlets; the effect is that his listeners don’t realize he’s creating straw men. Let’s bounce over the obvious hypocrisy and appeal to emotion at the start of the video and take a firm grasp of the meat of it.

The Claim: Liberals are fabricating the myth that there is a white-on-black crime wave in America.

Who? Who is fabricating this myth? I looked for hours, man. Literally. I took two hours out of my day to find these lying liberals. Where the fuck are they? I don’t have cable so I don’t get news channels. I also don’t live in America so I’m rarely exposed to your media (other than what I search for). However, even after spending hours looking for examples of liberals (and I mean ones who have an audience that’s not twitter) saying that there’s an epidemic of white-on-black violence in America, I found nothing.

The closest I could find was this article about how it’s racist to not charge the captain of team Racist Assholes with terrorism.

So who’s pushing the narrative? I suspect you’ve just made it up to perpetuate your narrative: that liberals are trying to take away your guns so they can take over America and… make you all gay or whatever.

While I wait for your retort: my absolute favourite part of your video though is this—and this, dear readers, is what I fucking live for. You display this webpage that says that there’s a bias in media toward censoring black-on-white crime. That website (oh god, not the rabbit hole again!) shows up as the first link in Google (proof you searched super hard for this), and it’s from the Council of Conservative Citizens’ (CoCC) website.

Hold on, let me stop laughing.

Not only does the webpage not prove anything (it’s easily the most unperceptive, biased article I’ve ever read [I’m dead serious]), it also belongs to a white supremacist group. As this website points out, the CoCC can be traced back to the Klu Klux Klan.

You know what the best part of that is? The fucking link right there—the one two sentences back. It’s from your own fucking website!

You guys can’t fucking call the group racist and use them as a damn source! Especially when you’re talking about race; CoCC is not what I’d call bias-free. I realize that your article came out first, but there’s a simple fix to this issue. Pull Dr. Watson’s or pull the other one. I know consistency isn’t a common theme among conspiracy theorists, but it should be.

By the way, my antimicrobial toothbrush never came in the mail.

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