It’s The Dick Pic!
It’s The Dick Pic!
Adrienne BoettingerThursday,9 July 2015
Politicians do the darnedest things! Well, really I guess you could say humans do the darnedest things and politicians are just human, so what should we expect? But in particular, a public official has to try pretty damn hard to fall from grace to the point of never being able to stage a comeback.
I know what you’re thinking, “Adrienne, you genius vixen, get serious. There have got to be some things voters just won’t forgive.” But the more I think about it and the more research I do, I gotta say I think you may be wrong. Not about me being a genius vixen, of course, but about voters. We’ll pretty much forgive and/or forget anything. And then we’ll be all shocked when the politician — who we knew had broken the law or done something heinous — does something else heinous. It’s like how my dog keeps trying to show his affection to my friends’ cat; even though every time he piteously whines his way forward to give her a kiss and she decisively spurns his advances with her claws, he still looks all surprised and betrayed when she does it.
My hypothesis is that the only things a politician can’t come back from are sending his dick pic around or being successfully convicted of abusing a child (not just accused – he or she would have to actually be convicted). I’m not even so sure about the dick pic; we’ll have to check back in a few years to see if any of Anthony Weiner’s other comeback attempts are successful before we’ll know for sure.
Don’t believe me? Here’s some of the crap our officials have done and we’ve still reelected their asses or let them back into our good graces:
1. Illegal drugs. Marion Barry. There’s really nothing else to say. DC voters saw a video of him smoking crack and still reelected him.
2. Theft. There are plenty of modern day examples (like Instagram hero and Downton Abbey aficionado Aaron Shock) but one of the most ridic is Charles Forbes, the first director of the Bureau of Veteran Affairs. Whilst in that position he stole from wounded, World War I veterans. Yep. He was that sleazy. He was even caught in the act, President Warren G. Harding told him not to do it again and kept Forbes in power, and unsurprisingly Forbes kept embezzling til he got something like $200 million. He was eventually convicted and yet still allowed to be buried at Arlington Memorial Cemetery despite the fact that out of 300,000 WWI veterans who filed claims while he was in charge, Forbes only allowed 47,000 to be given claims for disability assistance.
3. Killing someone. Ted Kennedy. Don’t get me wrong – he did some amazing things during the course of his tenure in the Senate. But all that happened after he was believed to have killed Mary Jo Kopechne in 1969. At best, Kennedy drove a car off a bridge with Kopechne in it and didn’t report the incident to the police until the next day. At worst, he killed her. Kennedy pled guilty to leaving the scene of an accident decades before he became the Lion of the Senate.
4. Rape. Brock Adams, a former Senator and Secretary of Transportation, was accused of drugging and sexually assaulting women including the daughter of a longtime friend. He denied the allegations and chose to retire from public life.
5. Racism or other bigotry. Rick Santorum, currently one of the many people vying to become the GOP presidential candidate, was recorded in 2012 as saying, “I don’t want to make black people’s lives better by giving them someone else’s money.” Also he is virulently anti-homosexual. Or look at Gordon Klingenschmitt, a current state rep from Colorado, who says he has performed exorcisms to pray the gay away and that the Obama administration’s FCC chairman was driven by the devil to “molest and visually rape your children.”
6. Infidelity. Former South Carolina governor Mark Sanford is one of my faves of unfaithfulness. Sanford claimed to be hiking the Appalachian Trail while he was actually visiting with his Argentinian mistress (whom he later broke up with via Facebook – CLASSY!). About 4 years later, the voters of South Carolina voted him back into office – this time as a member of the U.S. House of Representatives.
7. Prostitution. Now maybe if a Senator was an actual prostitute that would be difficult to come back from, but seeking the services of one seems to have no effect on a politician’s career. Look at Senator David Vitter — revealed to have been a customer of the “D.C. Madam” in 2009 and yet reelected to the Senate three years later.