I Want Those Eggs
I Want Those Eggs
Lauren PesinTuesday,26 May 2015
Each year, many people opt to use other women’s eggs to have a child. Typically, the reasons range from unexplained infertility to reasons including old eggs, bad genetics (be it terrible illnesses or ugliness), or lack of eggs (because they have a penis). Whatever the case may be, choosing eggs is an exciting process.
Some people have a young and fertile relative with the desired goods who agrees to donate. Sometimes people have a young friend that is willing to give. Most of the time, people use the eggs of a stranger. As career-minded, independent, and modern women (whatever that means) are choosing to have children later in life or choosing to go it solo, the use of donated eggs (and sperm) rises. Once the decision is made to use donated eggs, the journey to finding “the one” begins.
The first stop to assisted reproduction is a fertility consultation with a particular kind of doctor. The doc tells you extensive details about a woman’s eggs (v-jay and uterus), how important life-giving eggs are, and breaks down statistics regarding birthing babies.
Then, you receive a list of places, people, and parts you need to have checked before you can move on to choosing a donor. Once you have completed your homework, and the teacher has given the green light, you are allowed temporary keys to the kingdom (egg donor database), full of photos and personal profile fun facts.
People choose eggs for a variety of reasons and prioritize in different ways. Egg donor profiles can include everything from childhood and adult pictures as well as generations of medical history, educational background, personal essays, and the donor’s hopes and dreams.
For me, and many others, the process begins with a priority on the important stuff, specifically the health of the donor and their extended family, and how long her ilk lives on average. Additionally, most (not all) potential parents consider physical characteristics, such as ethnicity, height, weight, hair and eye color. People usually want their kids to at least resemble them, if not appear as their genetic offspring.
When I began looking for donors my preferences were: tall, fair skin, dark hair, light eyes, no cancer or mental illness in the family history, preferably large breasts, limited laugh lines, no forehead creases, no premature graying or baldness, a great smile, and a small to average build. I didn’t think I was asking for too much, but we couldn’t find our “the one.”
My choices aren’t meant to indicate women who don’t meet the criteria aren’t as beautiful or that their eggs aren’t as good. For us, (other than height) we wanted to choose someone who has similar physical traits or ethnicity, without my bad genetics. Unfortunately, in our egg “kingdom” this person has yet to be found.
It’s unlikely you’ll l find an exact desired match. Like me, most people don’t find someone with the precise physical characteristics, medical history, and personal profile they started out wanting. Fortunately, reality typically gives a nudge, and the desire for a child overshadows the desire to find the perfect female.
Ultimately for me and the multiple egg recipients I talked with, it came down to a game of “Hot or Not” followed by a feeling she’s “the one.”
I realize only a small percentage of the population will find themselves on this journey. However, the process brings forth questions about what people find attractive and desirable.
If you had to choose an egg donor, would you choose someone like you or your partner? What other traits would you look for? If you could put together your ideal egg donor, what characteristics would you choose?