Fearmongering and Loathing

Fearmongering and Loathing

Corey WilsonWednesday,20 May 2015

Conspiracy theories are cool; I used to eat that shit up as an adolescent because I had nowhere to be and I spent too much time on YouTube—in the comment section gasp. I learned a lot during my time on those videos, and I learned a lot from arguing with “fools,” and against “ignorance.” The most important thing I learned was how conspiracy theories work.

The key to a successful conspiracy theory is twofold: confirmation bias, and an unwillingness (or inability) to do proper research. These two things, coupled with a lot of spare time, and an overwhelming desire to have been wronged—to blame your strife on others—is all you need to concoct a doozy. Jade Helm 15 is no different.

I first heard about the military training operation (and the conspiracy) while watching The Daily Show, as I’m sure many of you did as well. Stewart crucified Governor Greg Abbott for buying into the unsubstantiated theory, and for sending the State Guard, in what could only end as a feeble attempt, to protect Texans from the US military.

I have my own agenda though: I don’t like Alex Jones—I really don’t like him. I don’t like him in the same way that I don’t like Kent Hovind. Both make their living off of disseminating lies, and generating fear. Asshole Alex tells us that the world is ending (without any fucking evidence) and then tries to sell us four week food supplies. He’s an asshole.

The first thing I learned about trying to research this article is that it’s almost fucking impossible to find reputable sources to combat their shit. Typing “Jade Helm 15” into Google prompts you with page-after-page of “Jade Helm: Training to Kill Mom And Take Over Our Towns” headlines. Any variation of the search term renders no better results—it’s as if the truthers have taken over the web… hmm.

I was looking for something solid to shit on; something I could research and debunk. But the most recurring item of information that Asshole Alex presented as proof of the federal government’s plan to instil marshal law upon the US was not secret emails, or leaked video. No, it was in fact the Jade Helm logo and motto that broke the case for detective Alex and his partners.

On May 8th, 2015 Infowars posted an hour-long video featuring Alex and his “researchers” that was titled “CONFIRMED: JADE HELM IS FOR THE AMERICAN PEOPLE.” In the video itself Alex says, “[incoherent rambling] is proof Jade Helm is [training] for domestic takeover [of the United States].” The proof, like I said, was that the Jade Helm motto is “Master the Human Domain.”

Then, on May 11th, 2015, Infowars posted a video with Alex going solo (don’t Google that), in which he says, “There’s more to [Jade Helm 15] than I even know.” “I don’t claim to have all the answers.” “Something’s big here, and I need your help to find out what it is in a brainstorming session.”

That’s not how you prove things, Alex. You don’t uncover truths by having a brainstorming session with people who are obviously as indoctrinated as you or who have been indoctrinated by you. And you certainly don’t prove your reliability by back-pedalling on claims you spat.

What you and your researchers failed to uncover about this—and by failed I mean didn’t try, because if you uncovered the reality you wouldn’t be making any money selling survival kits to people whom you’ve convinced of the impending apocalypse—is that these happen all the time. Not only that, in 2001 the Roving Sands operation was the “largest joint theater air and missile defense exerciseever.

The worst part is that even celebrities are getting in on the action. Chuck Norris is calling himself a sceptic, saying “Concerned Texans and Americans are in no way calling into question our brave and courageous men and women in uniform. They are merely following orders.” As if to say that the US military is actually composed of clone troopers.

To conclude: there is no take over; there will be no martial law. All Alex is doing is trying to sell you fear, and fucking thyroid supplements.

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