Why The Dad Bod Makes Me Want to Kick You in Your Listicles

Why The Dad Bod Makes Me Want to Kick You in Your Listicles

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,12 May 2015

For the love of radishes is there a concerted effort under way to annoy the bejeezus out of me?!?! Everywhere I turn I find a new thing that makes me want to get off the grid and avoid all non-essential contact with humans. I would rather spend every waking moment with my dog — and he just had explosive diarrhea all throughout my house, including over an actual air vent!

The latest focus of my ire? The whole Dad Bod/Mom Bod nontroversy. OMG, you mean men are being celebrated for eating two entire pizzas while the average woman is made to feel like a giant cow for eating bread?!? NO WAY! I haven’t been so shocked since the last time it got dark at night.

No matter what disease a woman cures, country she leads, business she skyrockets to success (or burns to the ground) one thing will remain constant: some idiot in the blogosphere or the infotainment industry will talk about how she really needs to work on her cankles. In contrast, Donald Trump can slaughter baby weasels to wear on his head and people will spend more time critiquing his wife’s outfits than the atrocity that is his coiffure.

Enter the Dad Bod. A college bloggerista waxes rhapsodic over the pudgy, furry men who could use some actual time with a waxer and the Interwebz loses its freakin’ mind. First you have the men with average size (or much, much larger) bodies who are super stoked as they can leave their wives for these idiot college girls who think Dad Bods are totally hot. Then you have the outraged majesties who cannot believe that people are going all woozy over the Dad Bod when having a Mom Bod can result in a woman being told by trolls to off herself or having random people her give her so much side eye that their eyeballs almost fall out.

I will let you in on a little secret, boys and girls. Society treats women like crap over our appearances and way too many of us buy into it. We allow this to happen. We compare ourselves to every woman in the room to see who is skinnier, we buy magazines or click on links to see the latest un-airbrushed pic of a celeb looking like a human, and we hang on to that pair of jeans that only fit us for like a minute several years ago in the hope that we will develop amazing self-control, give up carbs and look like a rock star in time for our rapidly approaching 20th high school reunion…okay maybe that last one is just me (P.S. if I think too much about the fact that it’s the 20th and not the 10th or even the 15th, I need to lie down in a darkened room with a damp cloth on my forehead. But I digress).

So what’s the answer? Start a campaign to have women recognize their own beauty? Nah, that shit works okay in a commercial or inspiring YouTube video but the effects don’t last. Maybe it’s about just being kinder to ourselves and to our fellow humans when our love handles become a little too amorous.

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Hat Tips:

ABC NewsWashington PostThis American Life, Image Credit: Flickr

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