Corey WilsonThursday,7 May 2015
I like McDonalds. I don’t like kale, nor do I like smoothies. I like my burgers greasy—dripping even—and on most days I pine for that subtle burn that flares in my heart after I finish that third McGangbang. In my mind, eating healthy is stupid; you’re going to die anyway, and better it be sooner than later lest the terrorists get ya. What I don’t like, however, is going to McDonalds. They’re fucking gross. I’ve cleaned the tables in my local Dons more than any of the bastards who work there (you make great food though, guys. Keep it up.) It’s gotten so bad that I honestly haven’t had any in months; that delicious greasodium (it’s an ingredient. Trust me.) just isn’t worth having while holding back the vomit.
“Well that’s what you get for buying your ‘food’ from ‘McDonalds’,” you say.
Being the ponderous, thoughtful man I am, I wondered to myself—as I spit-shined a table at my own job—why is McDonalds so fucking gross? Then as I thought back on all the times I’d been screwed by my bosses—as I recounted every injustice like a fucking psycho—I realized why it always smells like sorrow inside of McDonalds.
It’s because it’s a shitty place to work, and working 40 hours a week to live in poverty really isn’t a morale booster. Not only that, upper management’s inability to see the actual issue with their ailing performance only adds to their employees’ hatred for their sentence in customer service hell.
“The 47-year-old father-of-three” (because we care), McDonalds CEO, Steve Easterbrook, said that the company, “[needs a] sharper focus on the customers.”
Welp, Steve, that won’t happen when your company plays wage games with its employees, and it won’t happen until you take a second to realize that you make your money off the backs of the people who cook your delicious heart attacks—I mean burgers.
The saying is “the shit filters down.” Meaning that if you’ve got a manager who’s shitty to her assistant manager, you’re going to have an assistant manager that’s shitty to her subordinates, and so forth. McDonalds seems to be trying to correct that by hiring the self-proclaimed “internal activist” and “constructive agitator.” Unfortunately, they’ve failed to remember that one other saying: “Shit adds up from the bottom.”
What you fail to realize McDonalds is that you send your food items to your stores frozen, and have them thrown in a microwave (probably). The food isn’t the problem (well for most people it is; you’re not a health food store that’s for sure. You’re never going to get the respect of the people who respect their bodies). I haven’t started my ad-hoc boycott of your stores because I suddenly care that I’m slowly killing myself. I’ve boycotted your stores because your employees (for the most part) are in foul moods, and they don’t give enough shits to clean the fucking tables.
Why is then that (some of) your employees don’t provide good service? (Remember: ponderous, thoughtful, man.) Is it because:
A. Your corporate structure is too slow to respond to the needs of your 69 million daily customers?
B. You’re not anticipating the needs of your customers of tomorrow?
C. You treat your employees like shit?
If you answered anything other than “C”, you failed. The reason that one in five customer complaints are related to customer service is because why in the fuck would your employees care to work hard for you? When they work 44 hours in front of a fryer, go home to a house where they can’t afford air conditioning, and then have to come back and do that again the next week, how do you expect them to find the energy to work hard? And remember some of these people have been doing it for years. Until you realize that you need to fund the front lines, you’re going to continue to fail.