WHAT WOULD ARI DO PT 8: THE COLOR OF YOUR LAWN IS FUCKING IRRELEVENT

WHAT WOULD ARI DO PT 8: THE COLOR OF YOUR LAWN IS FUCKING IRRELEVENT

Matt HealeySaturday,11 April 2015

A week ago Governor Brown of California put in place mandatory water use restrictions. The restrictions, as best I can gather from my limited research, require a 25% cut in water usage for everyone except agriculture, which I think represents approximately 80% of the total water usage. So let me start by saying “Way to go California – you managed to reduce your total water usage by 5%”.

Regardless, one of the irritating things about the water reduction rules, which, given that California is in a historically bad drought make total sense, is the over-reaction to even the most minor inconvenience. The one that pisses me off most of all, and has inspired this return of “What would Ari do?” is the repeated mentioning in the press that the drought restrictions will affect the ability of Californians to water their lawn. Not to mention that California is mainly a desert.

“Are you fucking kidding? Water is the most important liquid to human life. The drought in California could be the worst drought in several hundred years. What that means is that places in California are poised to run out of water. You know that that means you fucking idiots? When you turn on the tap to get a drink of water in the hot California sun, you want to know what is going to happen? FUCKING NOTHING. And you are worried about the color of your grass? Maybe you all are high because of the loosening of the weed rules in California and aren’t thinking clearly at all. And another thing, you know one other thing water turns out to be good for besides drinking? FIRE SUPPRESSION. You know those California wildfires we keep hearing about every summer? With no water in the aquifers it turns out that the dried out forests are more prone to bigger and faster spreading wildfires. And yet, rather than stop watering your lawn, you are willing to pull more water out of the reservoirs and aquifers so that you can have nice green grass in the news footage of the fire consuming your house. Grow the fuck up and realize that the lawn is not critical to California’s future – the fucking water is.”

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