More Like Fuckabee
More Like Fuckabee
Corey WilsonWednesday,8 April 2015
Words are hard. Indiana learned that this week after having to backpedal and unveil amendments to the controversial Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA)—a bill that was criticized for allowing businesses to discriminate against the LGBT community. It was the vague wording of the statute that plunged the state into hot water, but in Indiana’s defence, it wasn’t the only one struggling with The English.
Words like “crisis,” and “hypocrite,” appeared to be particularly challenging for some.
Mike Huckabee went on CNN the other day, accusing the “militant gay community” for spurring the changes to the RFRA. Besides the inherent stupidity behind the words “militant gay community,” the interview made it very clear that Huckabee is either a complete moron, or a goldfish.
Earlier in the week, Huckabee went on a talk radio show and said that, “The left has gotten very good at creating a crisis, something to divide the country.”
A bold statement, but one that I’m sure could be substantiated. That’s how the political game is played, no? Humans are lazy creatures, and it’s become clear that if the threat is not imminent, we don’t really care. That’s why politicians need to cry wolf sometimes.
So what’s my issue with this? The hypocrisy. During his segment with CNN—which is perhaps the dumbest five minutes of TV since Sara Palin stunned the world with her “speech” in Iowa—Huckabee went on to say that gay rights activists, “Won’t stop until there are no more churches, until there are no more people who are spreading the gospel. And I’m talking now about the unapologetic, unabridged gospel that is really God’s truth.”
I’m not gay, and I’d even go as far as to say that I don’t have a finger on the pulse of the LGBT community. However, I’ll confidently assert that gay rights activists aren’t trying to purge Christianity from America. All they’re trying to do is ensure that people—regardless of their sexual orientation—are able to buy fucking flowers from a florist for their wedding. If Huckabee’s statement isn’t engineering a crisis, I don’t know what is.
The former Governor of Arkansas also spent time chastising Walmart and Apple for selling their products in places like Saudi Arabia where human rights violations are “real” while also jumping to the defence of the LGBT community at home, and using their power to influence politicians to change the RFRA.
So perhaps the best part of the entire interview is when Huckabee pukes on the points he posed by saying companies like Walmart and Apple need to, “Quit bowing to the pressure—and just sell their stuff. That’s what they’re in business for.”
Which is the point that everyone else has been making. You’re a fucking bakery, just bake the cake. That’s what you’re in business for. But the hypocrisy seems to be lost on Huckabee, which shouldn’t come as a surprise.
The truly sad thing about this whole story is that this man may very well run for president—he was even a favourite back in the 2008 primaries. We’re gonna need more ants.