Let’s Learn About Culture and Things!

Let’s Learn About Culture and Things!

Adrienne BoettingerFriday,27 February 2015

We can all agree it’s super fun when politicians and media personalities talk about cultures, countries and experiences other than their own. It really is precious when they pretend to care or know about something other than themselves and their base. It’s like watching a baby say her first word; if that baby was terrible and her words were garbage. Sometimes they preface their statements by saying “I’m no expert” but they’ve mastered the art of saying this in such a way where it makes you think any actual experts are damn liars and the non-expert looking for your vote, time and/or money is an altruistic genius.

So let’s take a look at some of the recent instruction we’ve received from some of the brightest stars in the political and media galaxies so we can really appreciate the wisdom of their words.

Yoga will turn you Hindu. Did you know this? You probably didn’t because you were too busy running around in your see-through yoga pants unnecessarily tempting decent husbands of decent wives. Never fear: Pat Robertson is here! Looking at this televangelist and media mogul, you can tell he has a lot of knowledge of yoga, world religions and languages. Maybe he did confuse the language (Hindi) with the religion (Hindu) but he got the bottom line right. Do yoga and your very soul is at risk. Stay at home to watch the 700 Club, learn about how sexual impropriety causes natural disasters, God has outlawed aliens, and other pieces of sage advice Robertson is doling out to people worried about new-age mumbo jumbo like yoga (developed over 5,000 years ago) and veganism (something to do with that godless Star Trek).

Protesters are terrorists. In the modern era we need to be ever vigilant to the dangers of terrorists. Thankfully, Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker is on the case! He assured the fun-loving free spirits at this year’s CPAC (Conservative Political Action Conference) that he could clean up those ISIS fellas right quick because of his experience crushing protesters who disagreed with his policies in his home state. Because American citizens exercising their constitutionally enshrined right to assemble are the same as lunatic terrorists who burn hostages alive. Duh.

Wanna meet a Somali-American? Come to Delaware! If you need to know something about African geography or culture, go no further than the Veep with the million-dollar smile. Joe Biden has Somali besties all over Delaware. They drive him around in cabs and stuff. For real. Now the U.S. Census Bureau may say that there are only 15 people of Somali descent in the whole state and Delaware taxi drivers may report they hail from like every other country except from Somalia but so what. Vice President Biden knows what he knows and is not stingy when it comes to sharing his knowledge, particularly when there are reporters around to catch every glorious word.

Unauthorized immigrants will give you the measles. You know how ‘Murica hadn’t had measles in forever until President Obama started inviting every Latin American citizen to illegally enter America and take jobs from hardworking ‘Muricans? We’re so grateful to have Rush Limbaugh to point out that these two “facts” are not coincidental. Otherwise we could’ve had a real problem on our hands.


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Hat Tips:

Think ProgressHuffington PostSalonABC NewsPolitifact, Image Credit: Flickr

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