Vaccines Cause Autism

Vaccines Cause Autism

Corey WilsonWednesday,4 February 2015

In light of the statements made by Republican representatives this week regarding vaccination (and their borderline retarded opposition to it), there’s no other option than to blow away the smoke shrouding this issue. I would love to say that anti-vaxxers should be allowed to forego the immunization of their children. Humanity has been on the sidelines of natural selection for too long, and it’s time to shed some stupid. How better than to do that than to let them contract measles and die? It’s just too bad about those damn selfish assholes who literally can’t be immunized. For example, cancer patients who are receiving chemotherapy are unable to be vaccinated. Others suffering from rheumatologic disease are given immunosuppressive therapy, and are also unable to be vaccinated.

What does this have to do with your human right to decline vaccination? Well, these people are depending upon you—while they deal with their cancer—to keep yourself communicable-disease-free. Because they’re susceptible. Their weak immune systems put them at risk for contracting measles, polio, or whatever else that many of us may be able to resist naturally. In essence, you may be able to defeat the level 70 mud crab you just aggro’d with your level 60 paladin. But your buddy’s level 10 rogue doesn’t stand a fucking chance.

“BUT VACCINES CAUSE AUTISM,” screams Jenny McCarthy (probably). They don’t. But just for a second let’s pretend that they do. According to a study advertised by Vaccine Choice Canada, in 2011 there were 84 cases of the Vaccine Injury Compensation Program (VICP) awarding parents compensation for vaccines causing “autism” in their child. Again, let’s pretend that the VICP has acknowledged that, in 2011, 84 children were “given” autism by vaccines.

You see, hundreds of millions of children are vaccinated each year. What that means is that out of those hundreds of millions, 84 children were smote by (God?) and his distaste for such arrogant human interjection. Still, those 84 people aren’t statistics, they’re people, many of whom won’t have normal lives anymore. Sure, but that doesn’t mean that we put thousands of people at risk instead. What would Spock say?

Prior to the advent of vaccines, nearly every single person living in the United States contracted measles, leading to hundreds of deaths each year. In 1964-65 an epidemic of rubella infected 12 million Americans, killed 2,000 babies, and caused 11,000 miscarriages.

What anti-vaxxers are proposing then, is that we kick aside decades of medical advancement. That instead of risking an infinitely small number of people to autism (even though we aren’t fucking doing that), we risk giving hundreds of thousands of people fatal diseases like polio, and measles.

It’s this kind of ass-backwards, unsubstantiated thinking that keeps doctors awake at night. And it can only be compounded knowing that actual people with fucking power have the same stupid opinions.

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Hat Tips:

The Guardian,, Digital Commons, Vaccine Choice Canada, The CDC, Image Credit: Flickr

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