North Korea’s Leader Is Actually A Baby?

North Korea’s Leader Is Actually A Baby?

Corey WilsonWednesday,24 December 2014

So it turns out that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un is actually just an infant (who the fat man in all the pictures of “him” is, we have no idea). And apparently that strange sound in the sky we’ve all been hearing since Wednesday was just the sound of him sobbing. But why is North Korea’s precious baby crying? Because James Franco and Seth Rogan made another movie.

We’re sure you’ve already heard the news that the Franco-Rogan flick The Interview has been pulled. We assume you know because no one’s stopped talking about it since it happened (we still are). The consensus seems to be that Sony’s decision not to release the movie—after theatres refused to play it—is the worst thing to happen to America’s First Amendment since ever. But we’re not going to spit the same rhetoric at you, where’s the fun in that? Why even write the article if I’m just going to join the circle jerk against the theatres, and Sony, and call for Obama to turn North Korea into a sea of fire? No, let’s put a different spin on this—one with less rage boner.

The real story here is not that North Korea is run by insane people, nor is it that they’ve threatened America. Neither of those things are news. The real story is about our reaction to it.

Through and through—as we said—the consensus is that pulling the movie in the midst of “9/11 style” threats is a bad move, and in theory, we agree. We shouldn’t bow down to terrorist threats. But the outpour of sensationalism that has followed is almost laughable. Here’s a few samples of what the headlines read after this all happened:

Free speech went down under the boot of totalitarianism this week, as Sony Pictures finally caved to the demands of North Korea

When Terrorists Win: Sony’s Cancellation of Seth Rogen’s ‘The Interview’

Terrorists win a round over Sony’s ‘Interview’

Are you kidding? Let’s try, “Stoner Flick Cancelled Because North Korea’s Leaders Are Insecure.”

Now, let’s get this straight, we’re all for Free Speech (it’s what allows us to get paid to make dick jokes), but this entire mess is a nonissue. The hackers “won the day” by making theatres pull a movie that serves no purpose to society other than to make us all forget we have to go back to work tomorrow. But regardless the outcry is that the theatres broke down under the heel of terrorism. Which is shit. They pulled the movie not because they actually feared the fucking terrorists, but because they knew attendance at other movies would suffer because some of us are scared of imaginary terrorists. No one except your grandparents were ever actually scared. The US government said that they had no evidence to suggest that the threats of a 9/11 style attack were real. Why? Because the whole thing’s a load of crap. There was never any real threat, save for some lone radical, but that threat is always present.

And we could only imagine that if the roles were reversed, crazy patriots would be screaming for the annihilation of North Korea. Threatening the president—regardless of how silly it is—isn’t taken fucking lightly. Like this one time when the secret service tracked down and arrested a highschool student because she sent congress a letter that said she’d kill President Bush if her version of The Purge was real. Could you imagine what would have happened if she’d have made a movie about it instead?

The entire situation was just a waste of cyberspace because whether or not The Interview was released—which it will be at independent theatres anyway—the world would not have changed. When it comes down to standing up for real issues, the cancellation of The Interview won’t have weighed in at all.

Editor’s Update: Sony Pictures has announced that The Interview will be shown at more than 200 theaters on Christmas Day.

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Hat Tips:

The New York Times, Human Events, Huffington Post, Missoulian, WFSA, Image Credit: Flickr

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