The Birds and The Bees and The Latest Reason Why We’re Screwed

The Birds and The Bees and The Latest Reason Why We’re Screwed

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,7 October 2014

The Snap

For a few years now, we’ve been selflessly paying attention to the 24-hour noose cycle so that you don’t have to. We can’t help it; we are seriously generous bastards. Unbeknownst to us, one of the side effects of over-exposure to the 24-hour noose cycle is a tendency to hysteria. Our fears now include sentient robots taking over the world, Ebola, bursting into flame when we eat cheese, sex-crazed asshats will take our blinking to mean we’re in the mood for consensual sex, and our inability to survive the inevitable apocalypse. All those pale in comparison to our latest fear of prolonged starvation because we’re killing off a necessary component of 1/3 of everything we eat: honeybees.

The Download

Bees are scary. I was once personally urged to let a bee sting me rather than dropping a very elaborate chuppah I was helping construct. The idea had me sweating uncontrollably and ready to weep and I’m a grown woman who is not allergic to bees (I’m only allergic to Neosporin and narcissists). Bees recently killed two adorable dogs in Las Vegas and nearly killed a human couple in Texas.

The problem is that without bees we’re pretty much gonna starve to death. Sure, it will take a while as here in ‘Murica we’ve got lots of extra padding and we’re prone to getting our nutrition from corndogs and cotton candy rather than almonds, apples, blueberries, etc. But seriously, there are few species more critical to our survival than honeybees.

Moby has taken time out of his schedule of making that song with Gwen Stefani 14 years ago in order to save the bees. Okay, that’s totally not fair as he’s been wicked busy with lots of stuff and as we look into his soulful eyes in his Twitpic we’re pretty sure he can control the weather with his mind. What he has been spending a lot of time and energy on is saving the bees.

We know some of you faux-climatologists and clean coal-lunatics will argue that human beings bear no part in the decline of the honeybee. It’s not like humans are out there squishing the crap out of every bee we see. And all pesticides are so good for us that many richies ask for a side of pesticides with their non-organic salads.

Except, there’s a lot of scientists who have actually attended a science class and they’re pretty sure humans have played a role in the mysterious disappearance of the honeybee. The bright side is that we can also play a part in stopping the destruction by supporting the Center for Food Safety and their legal action against the EPA, plant bee-friendly plants in your garden, and shop organic to cut down on the amount of pesticides we fling around the environment.


Take Action!

Hat Tips:

New York TimesJRNCenter for Food SafetyCBS DFWWCVBStar Tribune, Image Credit: Flickr

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