Breaking Up is Easy When You’re An Asshat

Breaking Up is Easy When You’re An Asshat

Adrienne BoettingerMonday,22 September 2014

The Snap

Too often we criticize Congress for its inability to pass any legislation or accomplish anything meaningful! As a few readers have pointed out, you can’t determine the jackassery of Capitol Hill by the fact that it doesn’t follow through with any new bills or extend important ones about to expire. It is with this thought in mind that we salute Congressman Mark Sanford for daring to be a grown-ass man who breaks up with his girlfriend via Facebook. Too long have pioneers in bitch-ditching like the Honorable Mark Sanford gone uncelebrated. Huzzah!

The Download

The end of a relationship is usually bittersweet. Well, bittersweet or a fiery festival of pain, devastation and nonstop questioning of one’s ability to ever attract someone who is not a totally soulless monster. Feeling the majority of our own breakups have been when the other party falls into a black hole and pretends we never existed, we wondered what other methods people were using these days to send their former significant others into a spiral of self-doubt.  Enter Mark Sanford.

When the nation was last confronted with this gallant South Carolinian, the staff of the former governor was claiming he was hiking the Appalachian Trail when in reality he was cheating on his long-suffering wife with his soon-to-be-long-suffering mistress in Argentina. Around four years later, his fall from grace was forgotten by the good people of South Carolina’s 1st Congressional District who elected him to represent their interests in Washington, D.C. And a little more than a year after that, he announced the end of his engagement to his Argentinian lady love on a platform typically used for issuing relationship status changes of those in junior high school.

It’s sort of refreshing to know that even as someone advances in age, they remain young enough at heart to show their douchebaggery in such a juvenile manner. Maybe he read the July issue of Vanity Fair where half those surveyed indicated the worst way to break up with someone was via Facebook status change and he thought it was a new and terrible way to connect with the American people. What other methods will he find to break up with the poor saps that are next in line to fall prey to his charms/fame? Sending a singing telegram? Writing “Merry Christmas! Now you’re single!” on a card? Bringing an even newer girlfriend to an engagement party for a formerly new fiancée?

Some may say Sanford has learned from his mistakes or found the Lord or represents the fact that none of us are perfect. That may all be true. But when we repeatedly elect lying, cheating, lazy windbags that are incapable of working with anyone who doesn’t agree with their every opinion, we have only ourselves to blame when we are consistently disgusted by the uselessness and general scumminess of our federal, state and local officials.


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Hat Tips:

The Courier-JournalThe WireTimeNew York TimesVanity Fair, Image Credit: Gage Skidmore on Flickr

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