When I Am Queen of Everything: Stop Screwing With the Amish

When I Am Queen of Everything: Stop Screwing With the Amish

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,26 August 2014

The Snap:

Time and time again we’ve proven that there’s nothing so awesome and pure that we can’t totally jack it all up. Halloween has become a time for women of all ages to dress like sexual objects, Black Friday now starts on Thanksgiving morning, the Love Boat was all lies, Sweet Valley High turned tawdry, and democracy was a pretty good idea ‘til we got our grubby hands on it. Guess it was only a matter of time until we found one of the few remaining good things in ‘Murica and steadfastly covered it with a steaming pile of poo. Of course, I’m referring to the entertainment industry’s attempted sullying of the Amish.

The Download:

My love of the Amish runs deep. Yes, I have tried to go to the Dutch Country Farmers’ Market and look demure in the direction of unmarried Amish men in the hopes that I can join their community. Yes, I have even taken a buggy tour led by some alleged Mennonites to visit an Amish farm. But I do so respectfully, trying diligently not to ogle them or take a bazillion pictures of them.

Not so for Discovery Channel and other entertainment conglomerates trying to make a buck off the Amish by featuring their lifestyle in “reality” shows. These are the sort of shows where it’s a stretch even in the realm of reality shows to say it’s realistic. First we had UPN’s Amish in the City where Amish teens on their Rumspringa, or period of time where young Amish can decide to become baptized or leave the community, mix with idiots from the modern world and mayhem ensues. Yawn.

Then there’s the popular Amish Mafia in which Discovery Channel fabricates a seedy underbelly of Amish society with a group of Amish hellions who patrol the community to keep things as Amish as possible by whatever non-Amish means are necessary. Next is TLC’s Breaking Amish where camera crews follow people leaving the Amish life for a new life in the big city. Except some of them have been to modern cities before and had fairly modern lives, meaning that the show is admittedly fake even for a reality show.

Now there’s another program coming up and with the way the entertainment industry goes, they will come up with new and more awful ways to ruin the Amish until we’re tired of watching it and there is nothing left to be redeemed. Hopefully, the efforts of a few plucky Pennsylvanians will win out. This group, led by Lancaster filmmaker Mary Haverstick, wants modern society to Respect the Amish.

And thus my latest pronouncement: When I Am Queen of Everything, the Amish will be able to live in a world free from the prying lenses of the entertainment industry, paparazzi and overly intrusive tourists. Those who attempt to gain fame and/or fortune by tarnishing the Amish will have to live in a glass house without curtains but with constant 24-hour filming. Not to be inflicted upon the public, but to play over and over on screens throughout the house so they’re forced to watch their own scummy selves creating the drama they crave.


Take Action!

Hat Tips:

DeadlineNPRRespect the Amish, Image Credit: Flickr*


*converted to black and white

Subscribe to get updates delivered to your inbox