People are Weird. And Dumb.

People are Weird. And Dumb.

Adrienne BoettingerWednesday,13 August 2014

The Snap:

Ah, humans! Each time you swear there is no way we can become stupider, it’s like you’ve waved a red flag in front of an idiot bull daring him to take his absurdity to a whole new level. And we’re not even just talking about the U.S. Congress here; normal, average humans repeatedly show their proclivity for profound perversions of putziness.  Here at TSD we’d like to celebrate some of the more memorable experimenters of the Cobra effect; thanks for keeping us entertained trying to guess how you’ve been able to stay alive this long.

The Download:

The Cobra effect refers to solutions that are actually worse than the problems they’re meant to solve. Reportedly named for a British government attempt to rid Delhi of cobras during colonial rule, the scheme offered a reward for each dead cobra. This worked for a time until people ran out of cobras to kill, so they bred new ones. The reward money stopped which ticked off cobra breeders who then let the snakes loose, making the snake population larger than before.

So in no particular order, we give you:

1. Killing spiders with fire. Whilst attempting to rid his home of a big, nasty spider, a Welshman recently sprayed it with aerosol and then set it on fire. Good news: spider dead. Bad news: idiot set his own house on fire.

2. Cookie reclamation via attempted murder. We’ve all had roommates that have eaten our food (or allowed their skeevy boyfriends to eat the last of our fave cereal) and it is highly annoying. An Illinois man recently became so enraged at his roommate eating 3 Chips Ahoy cookies that he tried to strangle her. Over Chips Ahoy? Really? Not even freshly baked Tollhouse? Egregious!

3. Thwarting robbery by shooting self in leg. No one wants to be robbed. But hopefully most of us would call the cops to stop an in-progress theft rather than shooting ourselves in the leg after we become startled from the sound of our own guns firing off accidentally into the woods. Not so for a North Dakota woman whose husband laughingly responded to the story with, “Not very good aim, but she’s in good condition.”

4. Snack related anger kills. What’s even deadlier than taking the cookies of that dude above? Vending machines. They kill an average of 13 people per year. So when the vending machine doesn’t give you your afternoon snack or that caffeine you need to power thru a morning meeting, resist the temptation to shake the machine ‘til you get what you want. It may just save your life.

5. Losing weight, money and your mind. In this fat obsessed land, we are willing to do almost anything to lose weight…except for willfully eating less and exercising more. So what do you do if you can’t resist that 3rd bag of chips or 4th trip to the all-u-can-eat buffet? You pay a doctor $2k to sew a patch on your tongue to make eating so painful that you only drink your food. Or you can give us $1K and we’ll just slap you upside your head when you try to eat.

6. Using your vah-jay jay as a medicine cabinet. Imagine you’re fleeing from the police with your moron of a boyfriend and you don’t want the po-po to get your crack cocaine. What do you do? Before you roll it up in some foil and stick it up your vagina, think again. Surprisingly our vah-jay jays aren’t meant to store narcotics wrapped in aluminum foil. Who’d have thunk it? P.S. You get extra points if you can guess where this brainiac was from…

 

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Hat Tips:

TelegraphAPRaw StoryFreakonomicsSF GateABC NewsHuffington Post, Image Credit: Flickr*

 

*Converted from color to black and white



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