Why I Want To Staple Things to John Boehner’s Head: Take Two

Why I Want To Staple Things to John Boehner’s Head: Take Two

Adrienne BoettingerThursday,26 June 2014

The Snap:

Oh, Johnny boy! It makes us so sad that you think you have to sue President Obama just to get our attention. Really, we are truly sorry we’ve been ignoring you, most glorious Chief Oompa Loompa. Tell all your pals in the House that we’ve heard your plaintive cry for help and we are here — ready to give you the rapt attention you so obviously deserve. So step away from the mike and put down the taxpayers’ checkbook you’d be using to fund this wackmobile suit and let’s all form a trust circle, hug, maybe cry a bit, and knock back a bottle of merlot.

The Download:

It feels like only yesterday when I was a naïve, idealistic little blogger who was so irritated at Congressional propensities for self-created crises that I wanted to staple things to Speaker Boehner’s head and start a national drinking game every time someone said the phrase “fiscal cliff.” That was oh-so-many-Congressional-created crises ago that it almost makes me sentimental for that particular ride on the Capitol Hill Crazytown Express. Ah, memories!

Now, dear John has decided to sue President Obama for continuing to be President. Or is it for continuing to be black? Wait, that’s not it….hmmm….oh, yeah, he’s gonna sue the President for using his Executive Powers to act when Congress has clearly decided inaction is the best policy. And with this move he joins the ranks of Crazy Eyes McGee, other lunatics in the House who wanted to sue Obama for not rolling up pot smokers, and my crazy neighbor who wants to sue Obama over our home association’s refusal to allow construction of a backyard firing range.

In these United States of Litigation, taking people to court has become a national pastime. When you have a grown man suing his parents over their indifference to his problems and another grown man suing a Bob Evans restaurant because the hostess was rude to him, you start to expect lunacy in your legal system. It’s nice to see Congress getting back in the limelight for descrying abuse of the American public’s trust and piggybanks while spending taxpayer dollars to sue the President over crap that has been committed by virtually every President in the nation’s history.

President Obama isn’t the first U.S. President to be sued, nor will he be the last. Both Presidents Bush, President Clinton and even jelly-bean-jamming President Reagan were all sued at one point or another. What I’d like to see is constituents coming together to sue their slackass Representatives and Senators for failing to do pretty much anything except play softball and hold press conferences. Or to sue them over the physical injuries I’ve sustained by repeatedly banging my head into a wall whenever I hear of their latest shenanigans.


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Hat Tips:

Washington PostThe Daily BeastHuffington PostBusiness InsiderSlateSalonCenter for Constitutional RightsRoll Call, Image Credit: Flickr

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