The Love Boat and Other Lies

The Love Boat and Other Lies

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,10 June 2014

The Snap:

Here at The Snap Download, we masochistically search for topics that freak us out and/or annoy the bejeezus out of us. This often comes in the form of big-brained men explaining things our small lady brains can’t handle like birth control, evolution or political disenfranchisement.  But sometimes we stumble along amnesia lane to learn about how all we thought was good with the world was, in reality, craptastic. In today’s episode we bring you “The Love Boat.” For readers so young as to make me hold my head in despair, “The Love Boat” was a show in the late 1970’s through mid-1980’s and in syndication soon after. Before you go try to find old videos online, Oprah recently informed the world that “The Love Boat” should have been called “Boat of Skanks and Pimps Get VD.” Yet another childhood memory sullied. Thanks, Oprah!

The Download:

To set the scene, let us take you back to a gentler time when there were no smartphones, television had 10 channels, and cruises were things that rich people took and not where average shmoes braved rivers of poop whilst touring the Caribbean. “The Love Boat” sailed onto the scene with solid B and C list celebrities, a wacky staff, and a theme song to which I still know all the words. Seriously, I will need an exorcism or lobotomy to get that song out of my head. Sample line: Love won’t hurt anymore. It’s an open smile on a friendly shore. It’s L-O-O-O-O-O-V-E!

Apparently smiles weren’t the only things that were open according to former cast members recently appearing on Oprah’s “Where Are They Now?” Cruise director Julie McCoy was a madam with a clipboard and Isaac was getting people so snockered they’d sleep with a seal. Hell, Your Ship’s Doctor was probably doling out combos of roofies and penicillin.

Granted, I was about 10-years-old when my parents started letting me watch reruns of the show so maybe some of the more “mature” subjects escaped my then unsullied mind. “The Love Boat” seemed the height of sophisticated fun and romance. Only the most glamorous people (like Charo! and a pre-Kardashians Bruce Jenner) sailed on the Pacific Princess. They might have taken moonlit strolls, but much like my childhood brain being unable to process Penny’s abortion in “Dirty Dancing,” I couldn’t fathom how “The Love Boat” was about free sex.

I have no idea what the modern-day equivalent would be in terms of turning upside down something from one’s impressionable childhood. Maybe finding out that “iCarly” was a heroin addict or that “The Office” was a front for human trafficking.

So what’s the moral of this immoral story? Maybe it’s to be careful reminiscing about the good ole days as sometimes they weren’t as good then as you think they are now. Or maybe it’s just that with the Interwebz sucking the mystery out of life, you need to be cautious about your searches as it may just crush your childhood memories. All’s I know is… Love, exciting and new! Come aboard! We’re expecting you!


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Hat Tips:

Fox NewsToday ShowIMDb, Image Credit: Flickr

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