Putin on a Good Show

Putin on a Good Show

Adrienne BoettingerFriday,16 May 2014

The Snap:

Don’t you miss the days when in order to distract from Russia’s tanking economy and social instability, Vladimir Putin would just ride around shirtless on a horse while tranquilizing endangered species? Gone are the carefree moments where we could speculate on the hypnotic power of his deadened eyes, judo prowess and disturbing aversion to wearing shirts. For dear Pootie-Poot has found the most perfect way to deflect from his own craziness and the miserable condition of many Russians by crushing the formerly sovereign and whole Ukraine. And his response to economic sanctions designed to annoy Russian oligarchs? He says, I’ll see your sanctions and raise you by requiring that Ukraine gives Russia a few billion in cash money for oil; suck it, Europe! Vlad puts the ass in badass time and time again.

The Download:

Oh, Pootie-Poot. We’ve been worried about your mental health for quite some time but now we have company as German Chancellor Angela Merkel is pretty sure you’ve lost your marbles. Which would be sad if you were a regular person or amusing if you were on a sitcom, but considering you have access to a bunch of nuclear weapons, it’s pretty terrifying.

Poots is using the oldest trick in the book. As a pediatrician will try to distract a child with a “look over there” while I give you a shot, Vlad is telling the Russian people, look over here as I take over Ukraine; forget about the bottomed out economy and the fact you aren’t allowed to say anything not pre-approved by me and my judo-trained henchmen. Isn’t your life wonderful? Say yes and nod enthusiastically!

And it’s totally working.

Not just for the Russian people, but apparently for Rudy Giuliani, Bill O’Reilly, Sarah Palin, Eric Bolling and a handful of other nutjobs, as Jon Stewart so hilariously discussed just a few short months ago. Pointing out the lunacy of pundits praising Putin for his dictator-like dealings while railing against President Obama for simultaneously being weak and too heavy-handed, Stewart noted the critiques of Obama’s “mom jeans” while Putin is in need of a mansierre to reign in his manly chestal region.

Where will it end? Not the whiplash tendency of pundits to criticize someone they oppose while praising someone else for the same characteristics; that’s never going to end. But will Pootie-Poot stop at Crimea or will he not rest until he has the whole of Ukraine…and all the former Soviet Republics…and Andorra…and Easter Island…and Euro Disney? Who knows?

All we know is though we can’t get enough of his madcap shenanigans, it would be far more amusing if he were leader of a fake country rather than the de facto fuhrer of 143.5 million people and largest military in the region.

P.S. I’ve got dibs on “Madcap Shenanigans” as the next chain of Irish-American pubs featuring menus of mozzarella sticks and margaritas.


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Hat Tips:

Washington PostReutersFreedom HouseForeign PolicyPew GlobalThe Daily ShowPoliticoNPRFunny or Die, Image Credit: Flickr

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