A Bad Mother

A Bad Mother

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,13 May 2014

The Snap:

In honor of all lazy, yet guilt-ridden children, let’s bask in the maternal glow of Mother’s Day’s a bit longer by contemplating mamas who got a bad rap. Around this time of year we hear many stories of miraculous, wonder-moms who fight fires, save their children from drowning, and raise their kids on 4 minimum wage jobs a day. You know who I’m talking about; these ladies would make Mother Teresa look selfish. There is no way to outshine them. Instead, let’s honor the moms — fictional and non — who would never be featured on a talk show for selling all their organs to pay for their kids’ braces.

The Download:

Mothers are apparently crazy competitive when it comes to being the most involved, most selfless mom on the block. I wouldn’t know because as we’ve established several times, I’m a bitter, bitter crone. But there are many for whom the miracle of motherhood didn’t win them any spots in the hall of fame. So in no particular order of heinousness, here are some misguided, misunderstood or just miserable moms.

1. Courtney Love. When she’s not forging notes from Kurt Cobain or suing over Twitter defamations, Love is not winning “Best Mom” prizes. She has an on-again/off-again relationship with her daughter, Frances Bean. Celebrities, let this be a lesson. The goofier the baby name the more likely your child will want to disown you (like Rumer, Scout and Tallulah Belle have reportedly done to their mom, Demi Moore). Granted, Love did a fair amount of crack and wasn’t exactly maternal. But does that warrant Bean saying, “I’m generally silent on the affairs of my biological mother”? Maybe she should make a card saying, “You fucked me up pretty good but thanks for having me. Happy Mother’s Day. Stay sober.”

2. Mickie Wood. Not a whit bothered by the bad name haters give to stage mom, this mom of former Toddlers and Tiaras star, Eden Wood, is all about spending quality time with her daughter. She will even let her think of giving up the pageant circuit after she finishes a few movies she’s making and doing countrywide mall tours. To the haters, she pulls a move from Monty Python and farts in your general direction.

3. Gertrude from Hamlet. Sure, once widowed, she married her husband’s brother who also happens to have killed said husband. But come on, Hamlet, cut mama Gertrude some slack! Her heart was in the right place. Sort of. At least she didn’t help kill her husband or hire someone to do it. It could have been way worse.

4. Alicia Silverstone. People may think it’s revolting to watch someone spit food into her kid’s mouth as a bird would do but isn’t Silverstone really all about conservation so her children can inherit a cleaner earth? I mean, if she’s not using utensils, then there’s no need to wash them saving untold amounts of water. Then again she did name her son Bear Blu so maybe she does deserve the hate.

5. Sarah Burge. Maybe she shouldn’t have given her 7-year-old daughter vouchers for breast implants and lipo, but does that warrant getting thrown off the Anderson Cooper show? It’s a lot of pressure to be the human Barbie. That’s a whole lot of perfection to maintain. So what if she has her daughter on a stripper pole? Okay, yeah that is really bad.

6. Billie Jean Williams and Mary Joyce Daffron. Proving that you don’t have to be a celebrity or fake celebrity to be a “momster,” these ladies left their 6- and 8-year- old children unattended to go on a booze cruise. Let’s give them a break. They did leave them at a beach restaurant where there plenty of other people who could have totally watched the kids (and maybe would have if either mom had asked). But it was Mother’s Day! Not Children’s Day. Bonus points if you can guess which state these moms-of-the-year were from…

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Hat Tips:

The GuardianHuffington PostPeopleVanity FairUs WeeklyMiami New Times, Image Credit: Flickr

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