This Month in Jackassery: What The Hell Kind Of Name is Cliven Anyway?

This Month in Jackassery: What The Hell Kind Of Name is Cliven Anyway?

Adrienne BoettingerMonday,28 April 2014

The Snap:

With pundits and politicians backing away from Cliven Bundy faster than hipsters back away from their own farts at a crowded party, it’s been a tough call as to who “won” This Month in Jackassery. Would it be the man himself – a patriot who doesn’t recognize the authority of the United States yet rides around brandishing the Stars and Stripes, refuses to pay taxes, stands behind a line of women and children hoping they’ll get shot and the Feds will take the blame, and runner-up to NAACP person of the year? Would it be the asshattish Bundy supporters who sung the lunatic racist’s praises for days on end, ready to nominate him as a candidate for President in 2016? Or would it be the lefty pundits ready to explode with joy over the comeuppance they thought righty pundits were going to get once Bundy’s true nature was revealed? And the winner is… dramatic pause…

The Download:

The winner of This Month in Jackassery is the theatrical three way of Rick Perry, Ted Cruz and Rand Paul. It’s not that they were the only politicians to hitch their wackowagons to Bundy’s psychostar. Plenty of pols who were looking for a mascot for their “I Hate Big Government So Elect Me To Reign Supreme” cause were practically lining up to make out with the racist assmonkey. It’s more that Perry-Cruz-Paul (or PCP, which would be far less disastrous than these three musketeers) are representative of all the opportunists trying to do anything they can to stir up rage and fear in the base to spur on their chances for glory in 2016.

Just try not to think of Perry, Cruz and Paul in an actual three way as you will vomit in your own mouth while your head explodes.

So, anyways, to the victors go the spoils. PCP, we dub thee winners of This Month in Jackassery for continuing to prove that no low is too low, no maniac too maniacal, no racist too racist, and no moron too moronic that you will not hoist him up on a pedestal, crown him David to the Fed’s Goliath, and envision the theme music you’ll play as he stumps for you amongst the chumps willing to take your pandering and say please, sir, may I have some more?

When you’re thinking of theme songs, we’d suggest this ditty by the comedic journalist you love to hate.

P.S. Pretty sure that the fact Glenn Beck was the voice of reason in all this is a sign of the upcoming apocalypse. Get your bunkers ready.


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Hat Tips:

PoliticoNew York TimesThe AtlanticWashington PostThe WireThe Colbert Report, Image Credit: Gage Skidmore on Flickr

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