Water, Water Everywhere?

Water, Water Everywhere?

Adrienne BoettingerFriday,25 April 2014

The Snap:

As we all know, global warming is a hoax cooked up by Hillary Clinton to derail the Tea Party Express with lies about polar whatsits and rising sea levels. Just ask the less than 3 percent of climate scientists who agree with Herman Cain that manmade global warming is poppycock or some other delightful colloquialism reminiscent of a 1950’s snack food. The proof is obvious: it still gets cold during winter. Crisis solved – if we want to stop global warming we just need to make it winter all the time. But if humans really are treating the earth as if our lives depended on it, then why are lots of places running out of water?

The Download:

Drought and the lack of potable water is a serious problem facing hundreds of millions of people. However, creatures of the Interwebz tend to have very short attention spans and don’t like to be bummed out with facts. So to get at the heart of the matter, let’s listen in on a virtual town hall that we totally just made up.

Q: So what’s the problem? Go to the store and buy more water. Done. Boom.

A: Although we do love creative problem solvers, it’s hard to know where to start with how stupid you are. Water is a finite resource; that means when you use it up, it is gone. Your solution works if there is a store nearby and you can afford to buy 80-100 gallons of water per day since that’s what the average person uses. Plus you do know that bottled water has to come from somewhere else before it gets to a store, right?

Q: But water shortages are only a problem in like Africa and stuff, right?

A: It’s super amazing that you took the time from chewing gum to actually think about something, so way to go for that! However, water shortages are impacting regions around the world. In every continent on earth, there are water shortages, though it’s most severe in Africa and Southeast Asia. In the United States, California, Texas, Nevada, Oregon, and Kansas all have water shortages. Globally, 780 million people lack access to clean water and 3.4 million people die each year from water related illnesses.

Q: Every time I go to the faucet and turn it on, there’s water so I think you’re full of poppycock.

A: Water scarcity might not be impacting you at this precise minute but things are going to get worse when the summer months roll around. Plus, even if your neighborhood doesn’t have a water shortage now, odds are the regions that produce the food you eat are suffering or will suffer from water scarcity. Also, not having access to enough water tends to lead to instability and could even lead to war, which is kind of awfulsauce.

Q: Okay, now I see that water scarcity is bad. So what should we all do? Mail water to Africa and Southeast Asia? We’d need a lot of waterproof envelopes.

A: Your desire to help is admirable but there are more effective ways than mailing water. Every day you can find little ways to use less water. Don’t leave the faucet running when you brush your teeth, take shorter showers instead of baths, and don’t over-water your gardens and lawns. Find ways to use recycled water like to flush toilets, irrigate landscape, or fill cooling towers for air conditioning. Don’t pollute your local waterways. If you want to do more to help, look into volunteering at or donating to groups like water.org or find other water-related charities through sites like Charity Navigator.


Take Action!

Hat Tips:

The Weather ChannelU.S. Geological SurveyLA TimesAmarillo Globe NewsStatesman JournalKSNW TVCBS NewsWall Street JournalBloombergTrib LiveWater.orgCharity Navigator, Image Credit: Flickr


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