Turning America into a No Parking Zone

Turning America into a No Parking Zone

Adrienne BoettingerFriday,4 April 2014

The Snap:

In an historic vote on Capitol Hill, the House of Representatives voted to fill in the Grand Canyon, pave it and turn it into a massive parking lot; they also voted to clothe President Lincoln in NASCAR branded clothing at the Lincoln Memorial. This same bill also redesignated the Statue of Liberty as the Trojan Brand Condoms MAGNUM Lubricated Lady of Liberty, Death Valley as Doritos Cool Ranch Death Valley, and the Great Smoky Mountains as Budweiser’s Great Tasting Smoky Mountains. The House said this was the only option to avoid shuttering the immensely popular National Park Service.

The Download:

Trying to understand H.R. 1459 has given me a massive headache and a persistent twitch in my left eye. I have no problem understanding why the GOP-led House wants to do everything it can to strip away power from the Obama White House by any means necessary. That is their major passion in life, along with trying to repeal the Affordable Care Act and rolling around on blankets of canceled food stamps. As such, the House sees taking away the president’s ability to designate national monuments as a major victory, even if it completely undermines the National Park Service.

Here’s where it gets confusing. Why would the least popular governmental organization, otherwise known as the U.S. Congress, whose primary motivation is to get reelected, want to gut a federal program that voters actually like? That can’t be right, can it?

The thing is the National Parks are for everyone. Public land allows average schmoes to take their kids to the ocean and the National Park Service has enabled generations of Americans to see what it is about this country that is still breathtaking and unsullied. What National Parks and public land don’t allow for is eking out every natural resource until we are drained dry. It doesn’t increase the profits of major corporations and crusty looking, scooter riding bazillionaires.

At some point, the wealthiest of the wealthiest became the only constituents that elected officials give a rat’s ass about.  So whether or not your great-great-grandchildren get to see the Grand Canyon or can breathe anything other than imported air isn’t really a priority for the U.S. Congress.

Teddy Roosevelt, who believe it or not was a Republican, isn’t just spinning in his grave. He’s probably ready to rise out of it and start kicking some serious GOP House ass. Roosevelt understood the importance of our natural environment and of national resources. It is because of him and the members of the 59th Congress that teenagers across the country whine mightily as their parents drag them to Yellowstone. And it is because of the 113th Congress that one of the few, remaining things about the government that doesn’t suck, could be vivisected.

Some of you may be thinking there’s not really much danger since the Democrat-led Senate wouldn’t pass a kidney stone if it furthered the political careers of Republicans. You’re probably right, but the future of our national parks is a lot to gamble on a Congress that seems to care more about representing the .01% than they do the rest of us. So find out how your Congressperson voted here and tell them and your Senators what you think while you still have a chance.

Take Action!

Hat Tips:

CNNThe HillSierra Sun TimesWashington PostThe Daily ShowPoliticoNational Park ServiceNational Parks Conservation AssociationNew Yorker, Image Credit: Flickr

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