The Best Meteorologist in the History of Time

The Best Meteorologist in the History of Time

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,25 February 2014

The Snap:

Did you know that you can just call yourself a meteorologist without any training? Seriously, I can call myself a meteorologist and you can’t say I’m not. I wonder if it works for calling yourself the Queen of Everything. I’m the Queen of Everything! Hmmm…no minions have arrived and my boss says I still have to go into work so I guess it doesn’t work that way for all-encompassing power. However, I now claim to be the Best Meteorologist in the History of Time! Mwah-ha-ha-ha (that’s my evil meteorological laugh)! You can’t stop me!

The Download:

Is being a meteorologist difficult because everyone hates you or easy because even if you’re consistently wrong, you don’t get fired? It would be tough to be that disliked for stuff that is beyond your control. It’s not like how people think Congress is worse than cockroaches, colonoscopies and culottes; Congress is directly responsible for why people think they’re a pack of asshats.

However, meteorologists aren’t actually responsible for the weather. If they were, the ones on the east coast would all be hospitalized as they would have been beaten senseless by snow shovel-wielding maniacs sick of this fucking winter. Although we like to blame meteorologists for the ridiculously awful winter weather, they actually have no power over the elements.

Then again, they can be totally wrong all of the time and we just excuse it. Or at least their producers don’t fire them when they underestimate how much snow will fall or how severe a hurricane will be. Most people just expect that meteorologists will be just crap at predicting the weather, complain about the craptasticness of said meteorologists, and go on about their day.

Which makes the fact that Forbes turns to meteorologists for “proof” that climate change isn’t real, hysterical. Seriously, despite the fact that 97% of climatologists agree that climate change is happening and that it is largely caused by human beings, a few meteorologists (who, again just so that we’re clear, can just declare themselves meteorologists like a 5-year-old declares himself to be a pirate) think climate change was a hoax. And this is “proof” enough for climate change deniers to say we should all keep polluting the crap out of the environment, willy-nilly.

So what’s the solution? Outlaw TV meteorologists? Nah, first of all I am related to too many people obsessed with The Weather Channel who would seriously hurt me if I outlawed that channel. Second of all, they do some awesome things like when Jim Cantore (my weather crush) kneed this guy in the balls when he tried to get 15 minutes of fame or when Al Roker admitted to pooping his pants at the White House. Third of all…hmm…can’t remember what that third of all was. But still we can’t outlaw them because even though we all complain about how many times they get it wrong we still keep on watching.

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Hat Tips:

New York TimesForbesThe GuardianNational GeographicScientific AmericanSyracuse.comLA TimesReaders Digest, Image Credit: Flickr

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