A Convenient Truth: You Can Buy Almost Anything in a Vending Machine

A Convenient Truth: You Can Buy Almost Anything in a Vending Machine

Adrienne BoettingerMonday,17 February 2014

The Snap:

It’s hard to find something that humans haven’t found a way to mass produce, automate or make more convenient. We’re not happy unless we’re making something simpler yet more complex, time-saving and yet a time suckage, or giving it more brain power than the cast of a reality show. Although I fear we’re close to bringing on the rise of the robots, there seems to be no way to stop the march to a more technologically glorious future where our interactions with our fellow humans will be reduced to seeing them on the other end of a video chat. With that in mind, let’s talk about some of the stranger, more unsettling ways we’re making convenience our number one virtue.

The Download:

Don’t you just hate how you have to go to stores and talk to people, wait in line and interact with a cashier? Okay, most of you probably avoid this by shopping online but what if you’re out and about and need a live crustacean ASAP but don’t want to have to exchange pleasantries with a human? Fear not! There is a vending machine for that. Seriously, you can buy live crabs in China and live lobster in the United States straight from a vending machine. If you want to catch your seafood yourself, you can even purchase bait from a machine.

Are you afraid for your soul but terrified of talking to people? If you’re in Germany, you can buy rosaries from a vending machine. Or if you’re in Miami or a holy host of other cities, you can get prayer candles. Do you want to have something to pray about? You can lower your chance of infectious disease and yet satisfy your craving for crack at vending machines connoisseur in Vancouver. No word yet on whether these bad boys will be popping up in the office of Toronto’s mayor.

Do you think crack is whack but still want to peruse the naughtier side of vending machines? If you’re in Japan this won’t be a problem. They are seriously obsessed with vending machines and have even used them to capture that all-important market sector: recluse perverts looking to buy used panties. And if you’re in Italy, you can find amore by purchasing sex toys from a vending machine.

If you’re up for a little more human interaction and want to risk visiting a Wal-Mart or CVS, you can pick up a vibrator when you get your bargain toilet paper and children’s vitamins. And have you ever thought, “Gee, this vibrator is okay and everything, but I wish it would pulse in time to my favorite song!” Well, wait no longer, my friends. If you’re near Giorgio Armani in Milan you can get a vibrator to use in conjunction with your portable music system.


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Hat Tips:

The AtlanticTrading Post VendingDaily MailMother Nature NewsJezebelSnopesYour TangoCNBC, Image Credit: Flickr

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