Adrienne BoettingerMonday,7 October 2013

The Snap:

This jackassery must end! People with motherfucking cancer are being turned down for clinical trials that could save their lives. Babies aren’t getting any fucking formula. The zombie goddam apocalypse could be popping up from strains of some mutant disease and we wouldn’t know it. Hundreds of thousands of unlucky bastards are either a) at home not knowing if/when they’ll go back to work or b) working without being paid. The O’Learys had to cancel the only damn vacation they’ve had in years because they decided to go to the Grand Canyon instead of the Bahamas. The shittastic owners of puppy mills are rubbing their evil hands together with glee because they know they won’t be inspected. America looks like a pack of asshats to the rest of the world. And now, the only thing the assclownish House of Representatives can agree on is to promise to give fed workers back pay, in essence giving people an IOU not to work.

The Download:

I probably should have said this up front, but this shit is about to get real. Normally I try to refrain from nonstop profanity as I think it becomes ineffective the more you use it and someone will probably show this post to my mother who will hit me with a wooden spoon.

But this freakshow of a government has taken the shutdown shuttle to crazytown and I can’t fucking take it anymore. First I was going to write about the shutdown from the perspective of animals since I thought they had engineered the shutdown to get a break from people ogling them with PandaCams or wanted their owners at home all day to give them more frequent access to treats. But then I read about how the USDA won’t be able to stop puppy mills, inspect research labs, and make sure people aren’t hobbling horses, and there will be no federal response to marine mammal strandings.

Then I was going to write about the shutdown from the view of the rest of the world but it became so goddam depressing to read that even countries like Pakistan who have freaking coup d’états — even they don’t just stop funding the government. And when a douchebag Parliament tried it in Australia, the Queen fired all their asses.

At this point, I don’t fucking care who started it (but for the record, it was a handful of wackjob Republican politicians with the balls to say that they’re happy about the shutdown even when their constituents are not getting paychecks); FINISH IT. Why as a nation do we allow ourselves to be governed by institutions that don’t just try to avoid crises that hurt the public, they fucking create them? Why are we practically the only developed nation who allows one part of government to hold the rest of the country hostage? What are the odds the electorate will actually remember this douchebaggery way the hell in 2014 when the next elections roll around?

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Hat Tips:

NPRForbesCBS NewsInternational Business TimesHumane SocietyJezebelDaily MailWashington PostGawkerSlate, Image Credit: Flickr

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