Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,24 September 2013

The Snap:

Do you have kryptonite phrases? “Kryptonite phrases” is a term I made up to refer to words strung together by people in such a fashion that you are nearly writhing in pain on the floor when the words are uttered. Sometimes these phrases make you want to punch your enemies in their throats; other times, these hateful words make you stick your fingers in your ears, humming as loud as you can. Politicians and pundits specialize in kryptonite phrases and thanks to the 24-hour noose cycle, we get to hear those phrases over and over again.

The Download:

I have to wear one of those night guard thingies when I sleep so that I don’t wear my teeth down to nubs. I may have to start wearing it during the day if I continue following politics because so much of what gasbag politicians and pundits say makes me grind my teeth. I’m not talking about the unbelievably ridiculous things they say like “legitimate rape” or referring to a birth control advocate as a “slut.” I mean the phrases they use repeatedly to excuse their behavior, fire up their bases and sway the easily confused into thinking what they say is true. Below are some of my least favorite. As punishment, anyone that uses them should have to do a shot and/or buy a drink for their political opposites.

Big government: Any attempts to fund programs that help the middle class or God forbid, the poor. This never ever means attempts to legislate people’s vaginas.

Gotcha journalism: In this instance, a journalist asked a politician actual questions that mean something rather than kissing his or her ass for the duration of an interview.

Job creators (antonym: job destroyers): if you’re a Republican, this refers to slashing the taxes of the rich. If you’re a Democrat, this means increasing government spending.

Mistakes were made: The person saying this is the one responsible for the mistakes but he/she is trying to make it seem as if the mistakes were unavoidable, natural disasters. See spending time with my family.

Reaching across the aisle: This is a term used to cast oneself as a leader of bipartisan efforts but it usually means the only time the individual reaches across the aisle is to bitchslap political opponents.

Spending time with my family: The person saying this has been caught in a compromising position with a campaign aide, tweeting selfies of his wang or driving in reverse through a school zone at 110 miles an hour whilst hopped up on pain meds.

Think outside the box: Although this phrase isn’t unique to politicians/pundits, it does annoy the bejeezus out of me to the point where I want to take the box and hit the speaker over the head with it. It’s supposed to mean the act of coming up with new and exciting ideas or re-branding old, craptastic ideas as something wondrous.

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Hat Tips:

Rolling StoneCosmopolitanHuffington Post, Image Credit: Flickr

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