Adrienne BoettingerFriday,30 August 2013

The Snap:

Lover of cats and mustachios, hater of President Obama and the IRS; let’s give it up for the winner of August’s edition of This Month in Jackassery, Darrell Issa! From the fast and the furious to the just plain furious, this thief of hearts and possibly cars has been charming the pants off cute feline-loving netizens everywhere and now he’s been crowned the wealthiest member of Congress by like a bajillion dollars. So what does the superstar Joe McCarthy of his generation do after winning accolade after accolade? Is he going to Disney World? Hells, no! After returning from a well-deserved  5 week vacation, he and his fellow Congressmen will work a grueling 9 days in September falling somewhat short of his wish to run Oversight (into the ground) hearings 7 times a week, 40 weeks a year.

The Download:

Oh, Darrell Issa. How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways:

1. Hating on the IRS. It’s really difficult to take pot-shots at the IRS. Of course that’s not going to win you fans because no one gets annoyed paying taxes. Come on! You make repeated allegations with nothing to back them up, refuse to quit even when it comes to light that you were the master baiter behind the scandal, and then go after my fellow Marylander, Elijah Cummings? I don’t think so, assclown!

2. Vagina envy. I’ve been clear all along how much I love it when old men tell me what I can and can’t do with my vagina. What would we do without them to tell us how we should have no access to contraception and shouldn’t even be allowed to testify on women’s issues? Hopefully they’ll tell us about math and science too since we’re super dumb at that.

3. It’s not global warming; it’s free, super-fast tanning for everyone! I forget: how many scientific studies say global warming is manmade? Oh, right, 97%!!! But of course that other 3% is totally credible and we’re all lucky they have Darrell Issa to stand up for them.

4. No one has the right to read other people’s personal emails, unless I really need to. In 2008, Issa thought Democrats on the Oversight Committee didn’t have the right to read people’s personal emails but in 2013 when he’s chair of the committee, it’s completely legit.

I will give the man his due; he understands what drives the Internet: scandals and pictures of cats. Sadly, after December, we’ll no longer have the pleasure of being entertained by Issa’s leadership of the uber powerful House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. Thankfully there are a number of white male Republicans ready to follow in his footsteps. And don’t feel sorry for Darrell, he’s been able to parlay his talent for fabricating scandals into $737,000 for his campaign coffers.

p.s. When I tried to Google “good things about Darrell Issa,” the Interwebz thought I was going to type “good things about puppy mills.” That’s probably not a good sign.


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