Adrienne BoettingerFriday,28 June 2013

The Snap:

The U.S. Senate just passed the most sweeping immigration reform bill in decades. Getting that bill to the floor, the vote itself, and the upcoming soul-crushing fight in the House of Representatives, make me think U.S. politicians need to go to summer school. Classes will include the differences between “aye” and “nay,” how not to sound like a crazy ethnocentric asshat, basic reading comprehension and the ability to tell time. Sit down, suckers, school is in session.

The Download:

The good news: the Senate actually passed the bill (hell, it’s exciting any time they pass a bill not related to giving themselves raises or naming a post office). Discussion, debate and compromise actually happened. This bill finally gives hope for a path to citizenship for the 11 million unauthorized immigrants in the country and hope that families broken up can be reunited (plus with the truly wonderful rulings from SCOTUS on Wednesday, same-sex couples also separated by citizenship status can be reunited too).

The bad news: there are a lot of idiots still running around with a disproportionate amount of power and camera-time who could sink this legislation and perpetuate isolationist, racist idiocy.

The solution: reform school. Here are some suggestions to get the ball rolling.

-Basic legislative vocabulary: Senator Moran will be first on the roster. Aye/yea = yes, nay = no.

-Ethics of ethnicity: Jeb Bush will need the remedial course. He seems to sort of support immigration reform but for reasons that further demonstrate his brother was the smart one. Jeb wants to welcome immigrants because they are “more fertile” and will help boost the economy and reverse declining population trends.

Ability to tell time: Senators Corker and Cruz will attend. In between classes on climate control (I’m looking at you, Ted), students will learn how long several weeks actually are and the differences between April, May and June. This may help them realize that saying they were rushed and had no time to read the bill is ridic when it was introduced on 16 April, reported out of committee on 21 May, and the vote was held on 27 June.

Reading comprehension: Senators Sessions, Cruz, and many many others. It seems as if our elected officials staff out most of the actual reading and comprehension of legislative issues. This leads to situations where they complain about problems that they cause and generally fire from their mouths before they load their brains.

Let’s throw in one more: preparing for a citizenship exam. Have you ever looked at one? Check out this one in The Atlantic. I wonder how many of our esteemed lawmakers would pass.

As we prepare for House deliberations that likely will have me banging my head into a wall repeatedly, let’s remember that unauthorized immigrants and their families are actually human beings. Demonizing them or referring to them as a substandard class does not help the discussion or advance our society; it just exposes your own ignorance.

Take Action!

Hat Tips:

Washington PostSlateThe AtlanticPoliticoTimePBS, Image Credit: Flickr

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