Adrienne BoettingerThursday,18 April 2013

The Snap:

In rush hour traffic on Wednesday, I wanted to run out of my car screaming after radio coverage of the Senate vote on the only gun control provision that seemed to stand a snowball’s chance in hell of passing. This was more than just my normal commuting angst which once prompted me to create the double-fisted-finger move wherein I steer with my knees so I can flip someone off with both hands. Wednesday’s rage was caused when I heard Senator Grassley say that he didn’t want gun registration because he didn’t want “the government to know where all the guns are.” I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with career politicians talking about “big government” as if they’re plucky outsiders fighting against the man.

The Download:

Every campaign season you hear people railing against “big government.” It just sounds a little disingenuous that they are yammering on in campaign ads so that they can become a part of “big government,” stay there as long as they can, suck up as many campaign dollars as possible, and yet act as if they are anti-establishment hippies of yesteryear. Grassley is a perfect example. He’s been in the Senate for 32 years. Evidently he thinks that if the government knows where our guns are, the big bad govvies will come in the dark of night to steal them and he won’t let that happen on his watch. I’m sorry but if it comes to a fight, my money is on a Tomahawk missile beating out your AR-15.

It’s like would-be-Senators and Congressmen think they’re in some giant game of tag and that if they can manage not to be “it” they won’t be saddled with making any decisions or really doing anything other than holding press conferences so annoying that I want to rip off my own arm just to have something to slap them with. At this point I think we should just replace them with eeny-meeny-miney-mo. We’ll save a ton of money on their salaries, staffs, reelection campaigns, fact-finding missions, etc. And I really don’t think that eeny-meeny would be less productive than this Congress and the one before it have been. Ooh, maybe we can get a monkey and have him make all our decisions. And he can wear a little hat when he does so. It will be totes adorable.

I understand why early Americans were wary of the newly formed centralized government complete with an ass-kicking army. I find it a little odd that our modern day politicians are so concerned that if they don’t have all the assault weapons they want with no background checks or limitations, that the “government” will send the Marines after them (bt dubs, I think you could be armed with better stuff and the Marines would still kick your asses).  Why does it need to be easier to buy a rifle than decongestant for you to feel that your rights aren’t in jeopardy? Why do people keep electing you? And why does Lindsey Graham look that way? Is he perpetually in gastrointestinal pain?

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Hat Tips:

The New York Times, Politico, Radio Iowa, Huffington PostImage Credit: Flickr

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