NATION OF MASOCHISTS

NATION OF MASOCHISTS

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,29 January 2013

The Snap:

No, I’m not talking about the 50 Shades of shut-the-hell -up, I’m talking about America’s masochistic tendency to barely survive one cataclysmic event before it launches into another. It’s not bad enough that we have to listen to Christmas music in Le Target as early as September. Now, we barely make it through the 2012 campaign alive and some masochists are already talking about 2016.

The Download:

As a nation, America seems to loooooove to draw things out. We want to prepare (or at least panic) for the next whatever ASAP. It’s not enough that stores, like that bastion of family togetherness Walmart, open at 5 am on Black Friday. Now they have to open during Thanksgiving dinner. As soon as kids toss their books out the window in June, commercials for back-to-school specials start up. And the one that makes me ready to beat people with a fruitcake is when stores and radio stations start the joyous yuletide season right after Labor Day.

The straw that broke this camel’s back was hearing pundits yammer about various 2016 candidates. To this I say, hell to the no! I will be a stark raving mad lunatic by 2014 if we start this crap now. First of all, 2012 was a pain. There were approximately 617 Republican debates to suffer through, endless campaign ads, and just way too much talking. Why in the name of all that is holy would we want to start that up again now?

Secondly, I’d like for our politicians to actually do the jobs they were elected to do rather than spending all their time and our money (and absurd amounts of Super PAC bucks) running for election or reelection. I’m pretty sure that Congressman Ryan and Vice President Biden have day jobs that should take up the bulk of their time before they start prepping for 2016. (I admit though that I have become a Biden fan-girl. How can you not love someone prone to only remove his foot from his mouth to deliver well-deserved ass-kickings on Capitol Hill?) And although I believe Secretary Clinton is perhaps the best chance for a female president at least as of 2013, I’m hoping her retirement plans from State don’t immediately swing into campaign phase. (And no, in case you were wondering, I don’t think Sarah Palin is a viable option for a female president. I want to see her run something besides her mouth and the state of Alaska for 20 months before she tries for the Oval.)

Here’s my solution (it’s reminiscent of my Fiscal Cliff solution). Anytime a politician starts talking about 2016, he or she has to do a shot. If a reporter brings it up, he or she has to do two shots. If they don’t drink, they have to perform “I’m a Little Teapot” complete with dance moves.

Problem Solved.

Hat Tips:

The Atlantic Wire, Policymic, Baltimore Sun, Huffington Post, Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

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