‘TIS THE SEASON TO MAKE ME WANT TO SLAP YOU

‘TIS THE SEASON TO MAKE ME WANT TO SLAP YOU

Adrienne BoettingerTuesday,11 December 2012

The Snap:

In one corner, we have Bill O’Reilly leading the righteous vanguard of the right in defending Christmas. In the other corner, we have leftwing atheists and of course gay rights activists who want to destroy all that is good about the Christmas, er, holiday season. Yes, the “War on Christmas” is in full-swing, with political pandering and mudslinging yet again ruining all that is not already ruined. Your children will be prevented from watching “Charlie Brown” while evil Democrats come in the dead of night and empty your stockings and clean you out of presents, nativity scenes, and of course your pine-scented symbol of holiness.

The Download:

Now, I only lived through 15 years of Catholic education so it must have been in that 16th year where they teach you that when in the New Testament Jesus said, “Love one another as I have loved you,” it really meant “fly off into a spittle-flinging rage when someone wishes you Happy Holidays.” Silly me, I thought when someone said “Happy Holidays” that they were indicating they hope that my holidays are happy. Judging from the overblown reactions of those champions of Christianity also known as Fox “News,” “Happy Holidays” apparently means “I’m gonna burn the American flag while I punch your mother in gut.”

I wanted to stand up and cheer when regular Fox “News” contributor, Father Jonathan Morris (a real priest as my mother would say, aka he’s Catholic) called out Fox and Friends for being so up in arms and indicated that the “War on Christmas” is just silly. Fr. Morris also said, “It would be an offense if we were saying as a country, as a government, in our courts, the only public expression of religion should be Christianity because most Americans are Christian.”

Sadly, Mr. O’Reilly wasn’t content with just being an idiot about what people call an evergreen tree (btdubs, a symbol Christianity borrowed from pagans) or being the self-proclaimed defender of Christmas against “secular progressives” hell-bent on destroying all that is holy. Bill went several steps further by agreeing with his guest, Bernard McGuirk, that the root of the War on Christmas wasn’t just atheists but “abortion and the gay rights agenda.” Bill even threw in proponents of legalized drugs into the napalming of Noel.

To this, sir, I call shenanigans. I’m taking Christmas back from the holier than thous who want America to mean believing in the same things and celebrating the same way. That would be craptastically boring. And authoritarian. And not at all what our founding fathers and mothers wanted. So wish me Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah or a Festivus for the Rest of Us and celebrate whatever and however you’d like.

Besides, it’s only a matter of time before the Fiscal Cliff (drink up, fools) takes down Christians, Jews, Muslims, Atheists, and everyone in its path.  SERENITY NOW!

Hat Tips:

NewsHoundsSalonFox “News”Huffington Post, Image Credit: Wikimedia Commons

 

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  1. […] your loins, ye stewards of all that is holy and white…er, right. We’re entrenched in the Yuletide Battle, where unholy non-Christians want to forcibly take your children’s Christmas presents and set […]

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